Anyone else feel the huge energy influx these last few days?

[Shin'Ar]

I feel like it's an upward spiral, the intense darkness, then elation, then dark again, but not as dark as before, then elation slightly higher than previously. It's a constant drain. The dark times seem to sap every bit of energy left, and when you feel happy and joyfull you just know you're going to feel terrible in a couple of days. But when you feel terrible you feel like it's going to be like that forever.

There is an intense instreaming of energy at the moment. I hear constant loud rushing sounds in my ears, and can't sleep. I slept 2hrs last night. Several people in my office complained of not being able to sleep and were up at 2am playing video games or reading books.

I think it's doing something to the third eye because at night when the lights are off I see swirling indigo patterns in the dark. Very similar to the Norway spiral. When I close my eyes it disappears, I only see them when my eyes are open. Like DMT activation or similar.

I just drove into the countryside at 12 last night and drove around for 4 hours thinking, can't sleep at all. Buying lots of weed tonight so should help me sleep. Took 5 strong ass sleeping pills and they did nothing.

I would say the awake wanderers are the ones to fall first, to be honest I'am at the bottom, I can't bring myself to react to anything, I just don't care anymore. The anger and sorrow from the weekend has just turned into complete emptiness with a few rays of hope to keep me going.

I want to be glad that others will start to fall in the storm but I don't even care I just want out of this prison, my pride is gone, my shame is gone, my guilt is gone and my control is gone, I'am faceless and nothing just a ghost waiting to pass on. I'am just waiting now, I feel the end is near, nearer then 21/12 at least for me. I'am quitting my job, not paying my fines, nothing. I refuse to keep feeding this machine.

This is the point I needed to reach, release awaits me. There is no winning or losing this game, it is a game of nothing. The only thing I have left is the hope of never feeling this again.

The end is near, only to begin anew and start all over. Why not deal with it now in this time instead of having to do it later. Do you think the next time will be better. What if the next time is even worse because of the fact that you balked on this opportunity. there are no guarantees in the future. all you have is now. The end nor the future is optional. It is Mystery.

What you are trying to starve is not your present dilemma, but your reality, and instead you feed your delusion that there is some other future opportunity to find freedom from your struggle.

instead of starving hope, starve the delusion.

you don`t have to care and you don`t have to be happy, but you also don`t have to be delusional. At least your suffering is real. And that can change. delusion will not sustain you or evolve you.

be sad. be mad. be frustrated. be real.

And apply some wisdom to your situation by seeking help from those who offer it, and by seeking truth instead of delusion.