*OLD THREAD*: Submitting Questions for "In the Now - Q&A with Carla L. Rueckert"

[StormShadow]

Hi Carla,

Thank you for your lifetime of service. I'm very glad to be able to participate in what you've created here. I've finally mustered the courage to publicly ask something that has been bothering me for some years and which may or may not yield a useful answer to others in a similar situation. Please feel free to skip this if you feel it is too personal, not useful to others, or too involved to answer effectively in the show format.

That said, here is my question. First, some background:

I find that, as I grow, I discover more and more that those limitations in my experience (education, social skill, and physical health mostly) that I previously thought were due to shortcomings in my character are attributable to my family's economic and psychological condition growing up. I won't bore anyone with the details. Now, as someone who is very concerned with his own spiritual evolution, I don't want to get caught in the trap of blaming everything on others, or even on some external "condition." But I can't in all honesty, find the root causes for these things within myself, unless I go all the way back to "pre-incarnative choices," that catch-all for everything I can't otherwise explain. I am a smart person. I have, or at the very least, had, the ability to learn quickly and a persistent desire to do so. Looking back, I can see an almost extravagant array of opportunities to satisfy my hunger for information (which presently serves mostly as a distraction from the work that I *have* to do to keep the lights on, so to speak) that were either refused or kept from me by my parents, bungled by inept or unconcerned authority figures, or rendered otherwise inaccessible by my emotional state at the time (I spent some years - college and afterwards - quite depressed until I figured out for myself how to relate to and interact successfully with other people - I was not blessed with the most attentive family in Creation and I spent almost all of my time outside of school alone in a small room). Now I watch others do the things that I believe I came here to do (mainly having to do with the ongoing revolution in online education), and it tortures me that I cannot participate in the creation of, or even take advantage of this new ocean of education that is as unavailable to me now due to lack of time as it was during my childhood due to lack of resources.

My question is this:
To what possible purpose do you imagine I might choose this for myself? What reason could my higher self have for giving me a useful potential set of abilities and then placing me in situations where I am prevented from developing them to the utmost, or even at all? Is this life just a "throw-away" in regards to these things and I'm not actually meant to bring anything meaningful into the world during it, only sit back and watch as others with better upbringings and stable families do what I wish I could be doing? Am I teaching myself some rarified variety of patience or endurance? Or perhaps this was a failure to self-program the incarnation effectively - I've given myself too many tools for the job and they are ending up distracting me from the real mission?

Obviously I don't expect the answers from you, as these are highly personal issues. But if you could comment on them, as your opinion only, even if you think I'm whining, I would be quite grateful.

Thank you very much. I look forward to perhaps working with you in the other densities once we get through this one.

Edit: went back over the first post and guidelines and realized that this question isn't particularly spiritually-oriented. More of a personal question, this. So, please ignore unless it serves as a springboard off which you can point out something that you feel is useful to the community as a whole.