forgiveness, what does it really mean

[JustLikeYou]

Who do we allow in our presence? I don't want anyone to change so that I can be more comfortable, I just want to ensure my own comfort. I'm referring to the annoying head-sensations that I get when around those who are stressed out or in anxiety. In the past I wanted to help them. Now I am, in my own unconditional love --wanting them to Get Out of my presense. I'm not going to do their work, they can face themselves and sort through and smell their own garbage.

This reminds me of experiences my wife and I have recently had.

We do not have deep roots in any of the towns we've lived in since we've been married, so we never really had much in the way of a community. This is an absence we both feel. When we underwent our respective spiritual awakenings (yes we were married before we had awakened), we began to open our hearts. We offered compassion and love to all who sought it. This was an important stage, but eventually we both became doormats for many people with problems of their own that they didn't want to solve.

Our most recent experience was with a co-worker (we work in the same place) who "fell in love" with both of us. She had all manner of wild fantasies about her relationships with each of us. But what ultimately mattered more than anything else was that she was not willing to do her own spiritual work. After being open and compassionate with her, we both learned that it was time to be disciplined. Years ago, we had to be mindful about making sure we were acting in love and not in fear. Now we had to learn how to be mindful about making sure we were not giving our energy to someone who would only waste it. We had to keep an eye out for her every ego-driven habit and actively choose not to give in to what it was she wanted. She would give us gifts, try to be as sweet as possible, all in the hopes that she could secure a permanent place in our lives. She would crave physical affection from me (she was quite flirtatious) and she would ask my wife for every single little detail of the mundane daily happenings in our lives.

This was obviously a lesson in wisdom. We needed to balance our previously learned compassion with the discipline of wisdom, the discipline to say "no, not this." And we always tried to do it as gently, kindly and compassionately as possible.

Fortunately, Universe is kind to those who are mindful. We both know that the operations of Universe are relatively simple: we were being presented with a lesson in discipline, a lesson in wisdom, and if we chose to learn the lesson, the catalyst for the lesson would dissolve. Of course, we always hoped that this woman would have a stroke of insight and discover that the source of her loneliness was within her and not outside of her. But we knew that if that didn't happen, she would eventually be removed from our sphere of activity.

Eventually, she demonized us in her own mind. I don't know what she thinks of us now, but I do know that we no longer work with her, so all is well. We did our best and Universe rewarded us by removing the catalyst.

One thing that always helped both of us was to examine the ego-driven actions which repelled us in her. When we examined the things she would do, we always found microcosms of those habits in ourselves. And it always ended up being that the discipline of wisdom demanded us to face those microcosms in ourselves. Sarah had a deep longing for close friendship with another woman and this was being shown to her in a highly unbalanced other-self. I, on the other hand, have always been a big flirt. But I had to learn to face this part of myself rather than act it out in order to be disciplined with her.

Hope this "helps".