Story of my Awakening From Day 1

[Aaron]

That is an interesting concept, since I have not thought about such waves at all.

I see my situation more as having 2 large rooms of different 'air', with an invisible force field dividing them. One room is an empty room of light and clean air, perfectly quiet and perfectly calm. Then the other room is a room of more chaotic energy/ocean waves, slowing down my movement as if I was underwater, with painful static and barbs in the water as I walk through it, cutting into my body and especially heart.

As to what you were saying about positive and negative dips, while I am not sure if that's the inherent basis of how life works or not, I see it as a possible condition of human psychological momentum. Sometimes I have the highest hopes for improving myself or others in a specific case, but then the uphill climb proves too much to endure indefinitely and it fades off. So perhaps the yin (positive?) part of the wave can be extended through a higher degree of focus and acceptance of current self. Good ol' stubbornness. =)

Hah, I don't think one can make any 100% true statement on "how life works". It's just that mysterious! Human psychological momentum sounds like a good way to describe what I observed. In your analogy, my point would have been worded something like: I observe that you were drowning in the negative room, then came up for air in the positive room with such force that you "flew above the surface of the negative ocean" for a few moments, only to come back down to crash below the surface again for a few moments..."

And eventually I think the key is instead of using a higher degree of focus to extend your floating above the surface, you will just equalize. You can't know love, joy, and laughter without their opposites, so once you are balanced, you "float" on the surface, breathing the clean air but knowing your roots in the suffering.

There's also something I realized about personal growth. I see myself as having certain stages of spiritual growth, with associations/attachments in each stage.

I sense that there is a 'shortcut' to the next stage of growth, and that I just need to fully relinquish any rights or concern with my current attachments, and just "flip" my mental state to become a higher version of myself. I would be a different person and I often ask myself whether I am willing to give up my current relationships and environment that I've built up, but the answer is always no. I guess I'm selfish in that regard! So no shortcuts for me!

I know what you mean and I will agree that there are definitely stages of spiritual growth. After I first started to awaken, I almost subconsciously set a goal for myself, "To be enlightened." Although I understood that to be completely enlightened is a paradox, as you can work towards enlightenment, but you can't attain it because once you are enlightened, there is no you to attain it, I set the goal and worked towards it. Then suddenly, enlightenment wasn't special anymore. My interest in attaining enlightenment dropped off suddenly and I realized I was at the next stage and that the smaller part of me that I associated with in my previous stage, my ego, in a sense had achieved enlightenment.

Now what's next? Giving up current relationships and environment or relinquishing concern with attachments may be part of the answer, but it just as well may not. As much as the logical mind would like it, I don't think there is an answer or formula for awakening. For every person, the path is drastically different. Instead of asking yourself what you need to give up or do next, maybe ask yourself if now is simply the time to wait in joy and peace for the next opportunity to come along. Maybe patience is your next lesson, who knows?

Here's another interesting thing I just remembered, I like to avoid looking into other people's eyes unless I have to. I have no problem with speaking publicly or having an earnest conversation with a stranger fyi. However I feel that I connect too much into people's inner thoughts when I look into their eyes, seeing the raw side of them. Though I wonder if it's because I have something to hide myself. Or whether I might find myself trying to reach out to them and help them without being asked into their life. Might also spread myself/my time too thinly too. Just thought this tidbit might be interesting/relevant to the empathy topic. =)

In the bible it says the eyes are the window to the soul. Whatever the original thought behind that saying was, I think it comes from the "jolt" of connection or empathy that we feel if we look into another's eyes. I think that if we make direct eye contact, we are able to pick up SO much body language and emotion from them, so much more than they are saying to us with words, that it cuts straight through their outer shield or personality mask they're wearing. After all, didn't we communicate for many many many years before spoken language was even in the picture? Maybe you can try to use eye contact in conjunction with language to soothingly bring the person you're talking to into the present moment by communicating fully with them, and not just mask to mask. Hmm, I think I'll try to be aware of the way I'm communicating and eye contact from now on. Thanks for allowing me to come to this idea! haha