STO, Masculinity, Humor: Real World Questions

[xise]

Greetings all. First post. Some background is in order.

I am new to the Law of One material, but it really struck a strong cord with me. I'd guess I read half of the material. I've always been a spiritually sensitive person - I actively pursued agnosticism for most of my life. I found it at a time in my life when I had been introspecting and examining social interaction and courtship, from a pickup artist perspective. I grew up most of life depressed (early 30s now) but the past two to three years after resolving my self esteem issues I have been trying to live up life with youthful decadence (partying, picking up girls at bar for ons, learning to be the alpha male in group settings).

These were things were very fun, I felt I got better the more darkness or negative energy I was willing to use (via dominance and negative energy humor and tempting women to cheat) and that made me feel more and more hollow. And it felt like it wasn't me. I'd have repeated dreams of being in a collapsing building, especially after causing women to cheat on significant others...so I turned from that path the last four months and decided that I wanted to embrace positivity and not cause anyone to be hurt...I had a dream three weeks ago where I ask this woman if I'm on the right path and she said look around you already know the answer and the colors of my dreamworld were so bright...I knew immediately I was on a brighter path...yay

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My question is about integrating a STO lifestyle while still being humorous, and masculine:

Some forms of humor:
-silly (seems positive/compatible with sto)
-cocky funny (usually negative, but maybe some postive is possible)
-sarcasm (depends on tone but more sts)
-put downs of others (sts)

masculinity:
-alpha feeling/acting as if you are superior to others (sts)
-strength-aggression/standing up and being ready to escalate physically if insulted (sts)
-strength-silent emotional/being a rock strength (sto)
-wisdom (sto)
-always leading in interactions with others, especially females (women seem to love this, but it feels more natural for me when I'm feeling the light to be 50/50...some women seem to get off when you treat them like you know better...feels very sts)
-extreme confidence and bravado - acting as if you are never wrong (feels sts)

I really love the feeling of connectedness I get when I follow positivity, the odd sensation in my heart area, but I notice that I tend to be more introverted. I'm not as much the life of the party. I'm don't find myself flirting as much. It feels like I used to use negative energy methods (not exclusively, but used it none the less) to engage in these actions.

It also seems like the typical sto masters (Jesus, Buddha etc) seem to display withdrawal from being as animated as those who are not polarized or sts polarized.

I'm on a mission to find out how to integrate sto with a personality that is still super outgoing and the life of the party so to speak...maybe that's possible...maybe its not and this just means maybe my soul is not ready to polarize...your thoughts on the matter are appreciated.

-xise