(03-18-2012, 12:02 PM)Pickle Wrote: Oceania, don't mix up personal choice/decision/judgement with placing judgement on others.
She has an overabundance of compassion, and will normally spread her "inner" love that is based on personal judgements, and can be mistaken for judging. This happens when trying to get points across. The issues with our perception come from not connecting properly.
Thanks, Pickle! Yes, Oceania, there is a difference between my personal choices/preferences/judgments about what is right for ME, vs. personally judging others. I am sharing MY choices. I have No judgment towards YOU. Does that make sense?
(03-18-2012, 12:15 PM)Oceania Wrote: well, that's how i perceive it. Monica was implying clearly with her words she did not approve of the "superficial and shallow" way to attract a mate. i don't appreciate that as i think what she perceives as shallow, isn't. how can i convey this to her? i can't.
Oceania, I have expressed my own personal choice. For ME to have criteria based on superficial attributes, would not work. For YOU to do that, is really none of my business. Only you can decide that. And you don't need my approval!!!
(By the way, when I say 'superficial' I am referring to physical. That's not judging. It's just fact. Hair color, size of nose, whether someone is 'hot' or not are all physical characteristics. That's what superficial means. It's not a judgment.)
I was very attached to a certain 'rockstar' look when I was a teenager. My husband is very good looking, but before I met him, I consciously and intentionally set aside my attachment to having a good-looking guy. It just wasn't important to me anymore. For me to do that, was a big thing. It required changing my priorities.
I even let go of the attachment to him being vegetarian. This was an even bigger deal than looks! And guess what? He wasn't a vegetarian yet. So if I'd had the criteria of wanting a vegetarian, I would have missed him!
For ME, it worked! It was spiritually fulfilling to let go of those attachments. I am simply sharing what happened in MY life.
Thankfully, my husband NOW fits all those desired traits that I had wanted but let go of (except the rock star hair!). And MORE. He is way MORE than I originally could have imagined! Rock star hair is just so unimportant, to me NOW. I chuckle at ever having wanted that, it's such a NON-issue.
But the point is, that at the time I was trying to find my soulmate, I gave up ALL attachments. I really really did. And very quickly after that, I found someone who ended up having the very qualities I would most want in a mate now. We ended up growing and changing together, and balancing each other out.
Why in the world would I even care if you want a hot-looking guy or not? Honestly, I really don't sit here and think "Oh Oceania is so shallow." Those thoughts truly don't even enter my mind. What you perceive as judgment, is actually amusement. I predict that some day you just won't care as much about looks as you do now. That's just normal aging and it happens to all of us. Remember, I'm much older than you are. We don't keep our looks forever!
Case in point: I recently saw an ex-boyfriend on facebook. I was shocked! He looked OLD, like somebody's dad! This was the guy I used to drool over when I was 15! In high school he had long hair, the total rockstar look, and even played in a band. But no more. Now, he looks totally 'average' is overweight and balding. Well guess what, my husband looks waaaaay better than that guy NOW!
But here's the cool thing: Neither of us looks as good as we did when we first met. It's been almost 30 years! But we love each other even more.
My only point was that any criteria, whether it's for looks, lifestyle, or whatever, might cause one to miss the soulmate because they're looking for something else. And by letting go of the criteria, one might actually attract someone even better.
This opinion has nothing to do with you, Oceania. It's just a general opinion. If it doesn't work for you, then just let it go. Whether it's "ok" for you to want a hot guy, is not for me to decide. It's for YOU to decide. I cannot judge or validate your choices. That's for you to do.
Does this clarify?
I used to have the hots for young Ozzy, circa 1970s. But look at him now!
(see pix)
I'm sure Sharon still loves him, though!
