03-06-2012, 12:52 PM
Lulu,
It might surprise you Lulu, that I am quite "happy." Yes, I live each day with an insatiable hunger to achieve, perfect, and master myself and understanding. This feeling burns throughout me each day, radiating from my solar plexus filling me with vital hungry energy. But in this hunger and seeking there is a kind of joy and contentment. I live each day knowing I serve my purpose and that I will be a stronger better version of myself before I lay down to rest. Working towards perfecting and understanding the self is a religious experience for me, as these ministries directly serve the Creator.
I will ask of you only what I ask of anyone who wishes to know me. Do not anthropomorphize me. I do not say this vainly, but practically. Doing so simply is not informative and is usually misleading. Humanity as you know it has always been alien to my inherent nature. I wear a human mask as I go about my day, but it is a mask that is no more apart of me than any other disposable tool. I see humanity as neither aspirational nor productive. As far as I am concerned there was no merger with regard to my walk-in, there was complete displacement. I am Zaxon, and no other.
I find it likely, that I hail from a social memory complex of the sixth density, with origins in negative polarity, come to convey the teachings of negative polarity to those inclined to learn it. Though reason and experience indicate this is probable, I likewise accept many other mundane explanations as probable, given the proper paradigm. I am not significantly invested in this aspect of knowing, because its metaphysical nature currently defies complete understanding.
There are aspects of myself that I have not disclosed here, or at least have not disclosed widely to the forum. There was a time, before I developed discipline, that my emotions were much stronger and my aggression much more pronounced. There was on occasion, a primal snarl that would escape my lips when provoked, and images of bloody horror danced through my mind as delightful daydreams. However, love and tender feelings were never a part of it. I have civilized my nature as I have grown older, and found calm within that storm. I am cold, calculated, and highly controlled now. But there was once a beast in my chest, dark in thought and long in tooth and claw. The coldness was there all the time, but there was also fiery aggression, violence, and anger. To continue your analogy, a proper description might be that I am a Klingon who learned Vulcan discipline.
I freely divulge the personal information requested since it does not jeopardize my identity. I dated very little before meeting my mate. I found people too "other" to even contemplate that sort of intimacy with. I was very much celibate and happy to be so, having far too little regard for other people and my sexual desires to engage in the messy and emotional entanglements associated with human sexual relationships. My few experiments with casual dating, to keep up the appearance of normalcy, were invariably disastrous. When these women peaked behind my mask they were inevitably horrified and frightened. My mate was different, in that she was so like me that I did not view her as "other," and she viewed me the same. She was comprehensible to me, rational, and clean. She too had been celibate and largely asexual before we met. She was the first person to evoke sexual passion in me, because she herself reflected me and my highest values. Without being too graphic, our sex life is quite dynamic, and enjoyable - as our strong red ray energies find expression, and our dedication to perfection ensures it never gets boring. I am strongly attracted to her, because of her strength. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever encountered, and she radiates health and vitality. But even this is eclipsed by her brilliant and incisive mind, that views the world just as I do. We value and love one another for our strengths, and our mutual dedication to reason, the pursuit of knowledge, and perfection of self. I am her mirror, and she is mine.
I have had encounters with emotional "F" creatures in the past - and broke every one of them. They were often drawn to me, when coldness slipped through my yet imperfect mask. They broke themselves against me, in their effort to find themselves inside me, where they did not exist. Each of these people tried to evoke emotions in me, in some vain hope to assure themselves that we are alike after all. What they more often found was cold indifference, and when they persisted too long and too aggressively, wrath. These people were then removed from my life for the continued health and happiness of all concerned. Of course I by no means intend this as threat, seeing as most of what occurs here is far too trivial to agitate me in any way. I merely say this as a statement of my history.
-Zaxon
It might surprise you Lulu, that I am quite "happy." Yes, I live each day with an insatiable hunger to achieve, perfect, and master myself and understanding. This feeling burns throughout me each day, radiating from my solar plexus filling me with vital hungry energy. But in this hunger and seeking there is a kind of joy and contentment. I live each day knowing I serve my purpose and that I will be a stronger better version of myself before I lay down to rest. Working towards perfecting and understanding the self is a religious experience for me, as these ministries directly serve the Creator.
I will ask of you only what I ask of anyone who wishes to know me. Do not anthropomorphize me. I do not say this vainly, but practically. Doing so simply is not informative and is usually misleading. Humanity as you know it has always been alien to my inherent nature. I wear a human mask as I go about my day, but it is a mask that is no more apart of me than any other disposable tool. I see humanity as neither aspirational nor productive. As far as I am concerned there was no merger with regard to my walk-in, there was complete displacement. I am Zaxon, and no other.
I find it likely, that I hail from a social memory complex of the sixth density, with origins in negative polarity, come to convey the teachings of negative polarity to those inclined to learn it. Though reason and experience indicate this is probable, I likewise accept many other mundane explanations as probable, given the proper paradigm. I am not significantly invested in this aspect of knowing, because its metaphysical nature currently defies complete understanding.
There are aspects of myself that I have not disclosed here, or at least have not disclosed widely to the forum. There was a time, before I developed discipline, that my emotions were much stronger and my aggression much more pronounced. There was on occasion, a primal snarl that would escape my lips when provoked, and images of bloody horror danced through my mind as delightful daydreams. However, love and tender feelings were never a part of it. I have civilized my nature as I have grown older, and found calm within that storm. I am cold, calculated, and highly controlled now. But there was once a beast in my chest, dark in thought and long in tooth and claw. The coldness was there all the time, but there was also fiery aggression, violence, and anger. To continue your analogy, a proper description might be that I am a Klingon who learned Vulcan discipline.
I freely divulge the personal information requested since it does not jeopardize my identity. I dated very little before meeting my mate. I found people too "other" to even contemplate that sort of intimacy with. I was very much celibate and happy to be so, having far too little regard for other people and my sexual desires to engage in the messy and emotional entanglements associated with human sexual relationships. My few experiments with casual dating, to keep up the appearance of normalcy, were invariably disastrous. When these women peaked behind my mask they were inevitably horrified and frightened. My mate was different, in that she was so like me that I did not view her as "other," and she viewed me the same. She was comprehensible to me, rational, and clean. She too had been celibate and largely asexual before we met. She was the first person to evoke sexual passion in me, because she herself reflected me and my highest values. Without being too graphic, our sex life is quite dynamic, and enjoyable - as our strong red ray energies find expression, and our dedication to perfection ensures it never gets boring. I am strongly attracted to her, because of her strength. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever encountered, and she radiates health and vitality. But even this is eclipsed by her brilliant and incisive mind, that views the world just as I do. We value and love one another for our strengths, and our mutual dedication to reason, the pursuit of knowledge, and perfection of self. I am her mirror, and she is mine.
I have had encounters with emotional "F" creatures in the past - and broke every one of them. They were often drawn to me, when coldness slipped through my yet imperfect mask. They broke themselves against me, in their effort to find themselves inside me, where they did not exist. Each of these people tried to evoke emotions in me, in some vain hope to assure themselves that we are alike after all. What they more often found was cold indifference, and when they persisted too long and too aggressively, wrath. These people were then removed from my life for the continued health and happiness of all concerned. Of course I by no means intend this as threat, seeing as most of what occurs here is far too trivial to agitate me in any way. I merely say this as a statement of my history.
-Zaxon
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