My advice would be to not look for the 'perfect' partner. Do not have a set of criteria. Be open to meeting someone quite different than what you had expected.
The 'perfect' partner isn't someone with a certain color hair or who likes the same activities you do. The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in you, and you in them. The 'perfect' partner is one who is complementary to you; ie. you each have the qualities needed by the other for balance.
For example, when my husband and I first met, I was too sensitive and he wasn't sensitive enough. At first glance, it may have looked like a recipe for disaster! At first glance, it may have looked like a man who lacked sensitivity wouldn't be able to give me what I needed. But in fact, what I really needed was someone who would strengthen me, and what he needed was someone who would draw out the sensitivity in him. So we each helped the other to grow in profound ways. We balanced out each other's rough edges.
This is but one of many, many ways in which we have been the 'perfect' partner for each other.
The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in the other person. Compatibility has very little to do with whether you both like to, say, go skiing, and much more to do with whether your vision of life is congruent.
The 2 people are different enough to provide interest and stimulation without getting bored, yet alike enough in their values that they are able to look forward together and work on the same spiritual goals.
One might be, say, Buddhist and the other Pagan, but such differences won't be an issue if both are open-minded and respectful, and willing to learn from the other.
I would advise putting expectations aside and just be open to meeting someone who stirs the soul as well as the heart, regardless of what they look like, what race they are, etc.
A successful marriage is one that grows stronger with each passing year. It might not be all peachy. There might be rough times and even some intense emotions. But the commitment to the relationship never wavers. A marriage isn't deemed successful based on how light and fluffy and happy they are, because sometimes people can seem all cheery on the outside and barely know each other, and then suddenly one partner dumps the other unexpectedly. Rather, a marriage is deemed successful, in my definition, if both partners are growing spiritually as a result of working together. They are both committed to the relationship and care about the other as much as they care about themselves. There is no distinction. They are ONE.
I think there needs to also be balance. If one is much stronger than the other, then that might be a sign that the relationship is based on need rather than a healthy love, and once the needy person gets stronger, will the other person still love them?
But if both are more equally matched, then they won't be as likely to 'outgrow' the other person.
Their strengths might be totally different. One might seem strong and assertive while the other quiet and gentle. But the seemingly 'strong' one might be very vulnerable in certain ways, and the seemingly 'weak' one might actually be the strong one! So it's not always easy to see on the surface. If they help each other to balance, then they are evenly matched, regardless of how it might seem at first glance.
Be best friends. No matter how good the sex is, the couple must actually like each other for the relationship to last.
And, above all, be honest with each other. The foundation of a committed relationship is an open heart. It has to be based on love, not just lust. But after that, comes blue ray: open and honest communication. This, in my experience, has been crucially important.
Love is seeing the flaws of your beloved and still loving and accepting them anyway. Love is wishing improvement for your partner because it's what's good for them, not because you want them to live up to some standards that you have.
Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100.
Both people have to give 100%.
Love isn't 2 people looking at each other; it's 2 people looking together in the same direction.
Here's my favorite book on the marriage relationship:
Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations and Celebrations by Barry Vissell & Joyce Vissel
It's an amazing book! I highly recommend it to get an idea of what a successful marriage looks like. It wasn't all peachy for the Vissells. This is a profound book. I give it as a wedding gift all the time.
Sometimes karmic connections are like that, and they fade. So that first attraction might not necessarily be a good indicator.
My favorite movie of all time, What Dreams May Come, depicts the kind of committed love that makes a marriage last. Profound stuff!
The 'perfect' partner isn't someone with a certain color hair or who likes the same activities you do. The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in you, and you in them. The 'perfect' partner is one who is complementary to you; ie. you each have the qualities needed by the other for balance.
For example, when my husband and I first met, I was too sensitive and he wasn't sensitive enough. At first glance, it may have looked like a recipe for disaster! At first glance, it may have looked like a man who lacked sensitivity wouldn't be able to give me what I needed. But in fact, what I really needed was someone who would strengthen me, and what he needed was someone who would draw out the sensitivity in him. So we each helped the other to grow in profound ways. We balanced out each other's rough edges.
This is but one of many, many ways in which we have been the 'perfect' partner for each other.
The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in the other person. Compatibility has very little to do with whether you both like to, say, go skiing, and much more to do with whether your vision of life is congruent.
The 2 people are different enough to provide interest and stimulation without getting bored, yet alike enough in their values that they are able to look forward together and work on the same spiritual goals.
One might be, say, Buddhist and the other Pagan, but such differences won't be an issue if both are open-minded and respectful, and willing to learn from the other.
I would advise putting expectations aside and just be open to meeting someone who stirs the soul as well as the heart, regardless of what they look like, what race they are, etc.
A successful marriage is one that grows stronger with each passing year. It might not be all peachy. There might be rough times and even some intense emotions. But the commitment to the relationship never wavers. A marriage isn't deemed successful based on how light and fluffy and happy they are, because sometimes people can seem all cheery on the outside and barely know each other, and then suddenly one partner dumps the other unexpectedly. Rather, a marriage is deemed successful, in my definition, if both partners are growing spiritually as a result of working together. They are both committed to the relationship and care about the other as much as they care about themselves. There is no distinction. They are ONE.
I think there needs to also be balance. If one is much stronger than the other, then that might be a sign that the relationship is based on need rather than a healthy love, and once the needy person gets stronger, will the other person still love them?
But if both are more equally matched, then they won't be as likely to 'outgrow' the other person.
Their strengths might be totally different. One might seem strong and assertive while the other quiet and gentle. But the seemingly 'strong' one might be very vulnerable in certain ways, and the seemingly 'weak' one might actually be the strong one! So it's not always easy to see on the surface. If they help each other to balance, then they are evenly matched, regardless of how it might seem at first glance.
Be best friends. No matter how good the sex is, the couple must actually like each other for the relationship to last.
And, above all, be honest with each other. The foundation of a committed relationship is an open heart. It has to be based on love, not just lust. But after that, comes blue ray: open and honest communication. This, in my experience, has been crucially important.
Love is seeing the flaws of your beloved and still loving and accepting them anyway. Love is wishing improvement for your partner because it's what's good for them, not because you want them to live up to some standards that you have.
Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100.
Both people have to give 100%.
Love isn't 2 people looking at each other; it's 2 people looking together in the same direction.
Here's my favorite book on the marriage relationship:
Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations and Celebrations by Barry Vissell & Joyce Vissel
It's an amazing book! I highly recommend it to get an idea of what a successful marriage looks like. It wasn't all peachy for the Vissells. This is a profound book. I give it as a wedding gift all the time.
(02-20-2012, 05:43 PM)plenum Wrote: A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before.
Sometimes karmic connections are like that, and they fade. So that first attraction might not necessarily be a good indicator.
My favorite movie of all time, What Dreams May Come, depicts the kind of committed love that makes a marriage last. Profound stuff!
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