Greetings from the Dark

[Zaxon]

Ankh,

I believe the purpose of polarization is the focusing and refinement of will, for both polarities. Either the will to love all and serve all, or love self and serve self to the exclusion of all. Both require an immense concentration of will that permeates the mind/body/spirit complex. I've found that I can achieve high levels of indigo activity in either orientation, because when I shift orientations it is in a very fundamental way, and to the same extent in the opposite direction as the polarity I am transitioning from. I am very much a different person when I shift polarities, though I am able to outwardly control my responses and appearance. The difference within me is that akin to the duality found in the Hindu god Shiva. Though, I will concede that I fear continuing to do this too often will cause me to lose polarization as the memory of one eventually makes me feel conflicted about the current state. In this way, changing too often weakens the will and decreases polarity.

I polarized strongly STS organically through my life catalysts. It was only after doing this to a high degree, that I became consciously aware of the process, and found within myself the will to move between dualities. I was originally motivated to do this because I could not stand the thought of their being an aspect of myself I could not, or had not mastered. I had mastered my emotions to the point that I can turn them off completely. I had done this over the course of years largely unconsciously. So was interested to see if I could turn them on, while controlling the reflexive will to block them out. I found that I could.

I determined a few years ago that it would be socially and professional advantageous to take a mate. Having an appropriate mate heightens the perception of stability and normalcy, also choosing a mate of appropriate pedigree may have socio-economic benefits. This was my primary motivation. As I stated previously, the love of my mate has been to the extent that she reflects the self. Before we were together I dated one or two normal girls of appropriate pedigree and attractiveness, but soon learned that once they got a peak under the mask they were terrified. The easy charm and perfect smile that comes so easily to the STS oriented entity is not very effective in intimate relationships.

That being said, for the time being I am in a STO orientation.

-Zaxon