Difficulties with restriction of personality

[Peregrinus]

Peregrinus: In my situation, it looks like I wish to stand in the manure! A bit smelly, hmm

In which case you have made a choice. Now then, why do you contemplate it so? To what further purpose does this contemplation serve other than to torment yourself? This is inefficient use of catalyst; catalyst is as manure. From it comes a choice. The wrong choice dictates that more manure will fall in the same spot until one makes the correct choice. Don't look up!

I've been thinking of a quote these last days
"If you love all you need not think about right or wrong."
This also applies to being judgmental, for in you are in deeming things right and wrong. And by that idea I need not know my friend reacts as she chooses, but I can still love her for the unique and beautiful soul she is.
This also means you can be yourself always, without analyzing or manipulating anything.

I judge up and down to be up and down, and even though it is just the illusion of up and down, judging one from the other serves a purpose because we swim in the illusion. This doesn't mean there is right or wrong in judging. Judging is just a way to understand a contrast to something else, a weighing of facts, as it were.

Yes you should love her, as that is both natural and is as it is supposed to be. You should also love STS entities, but it doesn't mean you should put yourself in harms way to suit their needs. Your primary role as an STOS entity is to take care of yourself; to be the lighthouse of light shining for others. If you have a burned out bulb, you aren't helping anyone else.

I was in a devastating relationship up until June '09 with a crack addict. The end of that relationship left me with an infant, penniless, homeless, and with almost nothing. In recovering from that relationship, I began the journey to where I am now. One of the things I have done is read read read, and that included several religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, and the Muslim faith (all leading me to the LOO). One thing that resonated with me came from the Buddhist faith, whereby one should love everyone, especially those that hurt them. Those that hurt one should be loved and respected as though a teacher, and this is so true. Were my teacher not to have been what she was, I would not be where I am.

Either way is thick with the drama in this existence, but I'm surely leaning towards the latter. I do dislike manipulating/tricking others and myself.. how can I accept others if I can't accept myself and vice versa.

You manifest your own reality. You have exactly what you have because you chose it to be so.

If one wants to understand their present, they must look to their past actions. If one wants to understand their future, they must look to their present actions. ~Chinese Proverb