Hi

[Cyan]

So, this one should be a little more coherant, last one was more of a list of things i thought about and wanted to throw out there and ahve sorted out. Most of you sent energy I felt and it helped me sort it all out. Thank you for that.

I still have trouble integrating the thought that this is ALL, every experience, formed around my desires, and the reason for all my suffering is that I have incarnated only partially and left myself mostly outside due to fear. Which is why everything in this universe forms in this manner.

While the STS-STO concept my exist, the reason I am here is not to participate or feel of it, but to see and gain knowledge of it. I study the universe from a intellectual point of view only. Were i truly in it i would be out there doing charity work, helping people, i would not be in here.

So while the universe might be entirely the same or entirely different, what matters is that for me, eprsonally, it all revolves around what I want.

I see how my actions changed my parents, how the people i influenced went for good and bad. I see all the negative consequences of my actions. And it is, devastating and rebuilding.

I realise that at the moment, now, i suffer only because i choose to do so. And My problem is this, I can no longer make a different choice. But the question that arises from that:

Have I ever made a choice? At all?

And the answer is.

No.