12-15-2011, 06:10 AM
I feel my negativity slowly creeping up on me again. I feel anxious about if I am going insane or losing my mind. I feel as if the experience itself made me "lose" a central part of my crown chakra.
I feel that my negative choices literally and physically affect the world around me in ways that I can not explain appropriately without concluding that I am on the 4th dimension and that this world is a representation of my mind.
I feel that my mind is a place filled with so many negative thoughts and desires that given 4th level existence and the creation that molds itself around my desires as I am now would lead to my annihilation in conflicting desires.
I know that I have a path back to the peace and calm of the, what I feel is either 5thD or 8thD, 8thD is closer to what my heart says that it was.
But if I want to move there as a whole creature, without leaving parts of me behind or leaving my life process in a state that is not what I want it to be, I wish to remain here and complete my OWN desires to be here.
I feel as if I am unable to complete the journey on my own and need help.
I feel as if asking for help causes people to attack me.
So asking for help causes people to attack me.
I have several explanations for why I feel that way.
But I am unsure if the explanations are relevant as they move me away from my heart and towards my mind.
But if it is my mind that I wish to heal, then moving towards it seems logical.
As long as the direction, desire and influence is as I wish for it to be.
Wish for guidance on this matter, opinion sought from healers and seers that I know of well from my pre-experience life.
Also posting request for guidance here.
While I might not change myself based on what guidance is provided, the guidance itself is always helpful as the mirroring effect that any community provides allowes me to better understand who I am.
So, help?
Things i wrote down last night:
Lying down seems like the best teacher.
Balance is not something you go to, it is where you are when motion ends.
(pet store name) bunny is alone and it makes me feel anxious.
I feel anxious that (girlfriend name) prevented me from petting bunny even though she brought me there. I said i want to pet it a few times but (girlfirend name) took the attention and time away, then the bunny was left unpetted.
A nail on the wall above my bed would allow me to hang a camera there to record thoughts.
(girlfriend name) answer 100-200 okcupid questions.
Anxiety comes because there are so many things on my brain that I want to get written down but I wont let myself do so.
Buy a smoothie maker, put on lowest possible setting, fill with innards of watermelons, turn into a drink, filter seeds easily through their different weight compared to the drink itself. If setting is low enough should work. Would allow me to eat as much water melon as my body says I want. Which is a tremendous amount. I simply dislike picking the seeds off and the seedless variety tends to get soggy on the inside.
I feel that my negative choices literally and physically affect the world around me in ways that I can not explain appropriately without concluding that I am on the 4th dimension and that this world is a representation of my mind.
I feel that my mind is a place filled with so many negative thoughts and desires that given 4th level existence and the creation that molds itself around my desires as I am now would lead to my annihilation in conflicting desires.
I know that I have a path back to the peace and calm of the, what I feel is either 5thD or 8thD, 8thD is closer to what my heart says that it was.
But if I want to move there as a whole creature, without leaving parts of me behind or leaving my life process in a state that is not what I want it to be, I wish to remain here and complete my OWN desires to be here.
I feel as if I am unable to complete the journey on my own and need help.
I feel as if asking for help causes people to attack me.
So asking for help causes people to attack me.
I have several explanations for why I feel that way.
But I am unsure if the explanations are relevant as they move me away from my heart and towards my mind.
But if it is my mind that I wish to heal, then moving towards it seems logical.
As long as the direction, desire and influence is as I wish for it to be.
Wish for guidance on this matter, opinion sought from healers and seers that I know of well from my pre-experience life.
Also posting request for guidance here.
While I might not change myself based on what guidance is provided, the guidance itself is always helpful as the mirroring effect that any community provides allowes me to better understand who I am.
So, help?
Things i wrote down last night:
Lying down seems like the best teacher.
Balance is not something you go to, it is where you are when motion ends.
(pet store name) bunny is alone and it makes me feel anxious.
I feel anxious that (girlfriend name) prevented me from petting bunny even though she brought me there. I said i want to pet it a few times but (girlfirend name) took the attention and time away, then the bunny was left unpetted.
A nail on the wall above my bed would allow me to hang a camera there to record thoughts.
(girlfriend name) answer 100-200 okcupid questions.
Anxiety comes because there are so many things on my brain that I want to get written down but I wont let myself do so.
Buy a smoothie maker, put on lowest possible setting, fill with innards of watermelons, turn into a drink, filter seeds easily through their different weight compared to the drink itself. If setting is low enough should work. Would allow me to eat as much water melon as my body says I want. Which is a tremendous amount. I simply dislike picking the seeds off and the seedless variety tends to get soggy on the inside.