Caring/Compassion/Sensitivity/Tact vs Lying/Faking

[yossarian]

It's all the wussys that need to get over it. Fragile pansies we have to tip toe around. That was a long post that views me as anger boy. I just want to say the word stupid without invoking the wrath of Khan. 'oh, but we won't let you, we're trying to help you, we all think YOU have a problem, conform to our standards, get in your cage, we outnumber you and agree you need to change'.

I guess unity may be on to something.

You experience this supposedly welcoming, accepting atmosphere as repressive and judgmental because you aren't allowed to call people fucking idiots.

Would it be better for everyone's spiritual evolution if people such as yourself were allowed to go wild? Would that provide better catalyst for people like me and more authentic experiences for people like you?

I think it probably would. However at the same time it would make the forum a harsh and unwelcoming and unsafe place rather than a refuge. Basically it would be turning it into a different space, a space of brutal honesty and intensity like an encounter group rather than what it is now which is sort of a safe place for people to discuss stuff without worrying about being attacked and insulted. Most other parts of the world, talking about this stuff, people will just flat out call you a fucking idiot. The nice ones will just say it behind your back. "What the f*** is this retarded Law of One bullshit? God Yossarian is such a fucking gullible idiot."

Anyway 3Dmonkey, as an experiment, feel free to call me fucking stupid and the other insults you feel. If it hurts my feelings too much I'll just ignore you.

I watched the movie "The Invention of Lying" yesterday. The premise is that the world is identical to our world except everyone always says what they're thinking. So people go around saying, "I just masturbated" and "I'm thinking about your vagina" and "I hate you" and stuff like that.

I think there is some truth to the idea that this kind of world would push people to evolve emotionally very quickly. However it's really not a very safe world for the vulnerable.

One aspect of the movie was that society was divided clearly into two groups: cool people and losers. Everyone knew who the losers were because the losers were constantly told they were losers. Everyone knew who the cool people were because they were constantly told.

So a fat ugly depressed suicidal guy goes around and everyone he talks to he tells them how he is such a loser who wants to kill himself and his life is pathetic. Most people agree with him. He is a fat pathetic loser.

The beautiful successful guy goes around constantly telling all the ugly fat people that they are pathetic losers and that he is successful and handsome.

People don't flinch when they're insulted, because they're heard it before, they know where they stand.

The social commentary of the movie is that this hierarchy exists and everyone knows about it but no one talks about it.

So anyway this movie made me think a lot about unity's ideas on brutal harsh truth-telling. In a lot of ways I think it would create a better world if people just told the flat truth.

Of course, at the same time, we don't live in that world, and so the blunt truth is often interpreted as cruelty, and people's feelings can be hurt not even due to the content of the message but simply because the talker was willing to say that to them.

"I'm such a stupid loser and 3dmonkey hates me so much that he's willing to just call me fucking stupid right to my face. He cares about me so little that he's just willing to stomp all over my feelings and beliefs."

What hurts people is often not even the content of the message, but just the fact that the lack of tact communicates that 3dmonkey didn't care about them enough to use tact.

So it's a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. It's normal to be polite and nice, so people are polite and nice, and anyone who isn't is judged to be hateful and lack compassion, when perhaps they just want to help. The fact that unity isn't willing to use tact communicates to people that he doesn't care about them or even that he hates them, and this belief that he hates them is painful and hurts and overshadows the message unity wanted to send. The prevailing message isn't about communism or blue ray or whatever, but rather about how unity doesn't care about the person, hates them, thinks they are completely stupid, have no valuable ideas, and are so worthless they don't even deserve the basic courtesy of tact and politeness. Unity was attempting to deliver a blunt truth but he inadvertently just delivered a big fat hurtful insult by pretending cultural norms don't exist, by believing that tact is the same as lying.

I'm not saying the world is good as it is but I think we do have to deal with the world as it is. I still don't think it would help for me to change my strategy from speaking with sensitivity and tact to speaking with insensitivity and harshness. I can't change the culture. Being blunt would provide catalyst and misunderstanding for others but I'd rather provide stuff that I believe will support them in their personal growth and goals. This of course means honesty, but it means a sensitive, tactful, caring honesty that recognizes the subjective universe of the person and respects that universe.

3dmonkey, you're the fragile pansy, not us. You're a fragile pansy because you want to tell us we're fucking lame idiots but you're too scared to. You're afraid of us and you're afraid of the reaction you'll get. That makes you the wuss.