10-18-2011, 02:58 AM
Ugh!! Sorry I keep ranting on negativity and keeping this thread open, but this is the only place I can express myself without major judgement. I haven't found another job yet, and my unemployment hearing is on Wednesday. Kind of freaked out about it because I think I'll loose. The only bright side I had was that I was approved for food stamps.
To be honest, I am seriously contemplating killing myself now. I didn't tell my folks the 100% truth of how I lost my job and they are a little pissed off about it now. I am behind on my rent and the landlord came to the apt today and told me I have to be out by November 1st. There was some BS that went on with CEO (welfare office) and my back rent assistance so now he told me to go back down and fix it or else I'm out. I told him fair enough, but it was strange because the building manager filled out the forms for me and I handed it back to CEO so I don't know what the problem is and still don't. He just told me he took my security deposit for October's rent and that the building manager was no longer employed with him and that I have to go back down and fix it. Major BS now and I'm really freaking out. He's kind of a slum lord I guess since this building is a dump.
Besides my financial situation, I'm freaked out about the coming financial crash and possible war with Iran (more like WW3) soon. This whole Saudi assassination and bombing plot is a total false flag....and one that I've been waiting for to happen. My research and inner gut tells me this is so. It's going to suck big time, so even people here who are happy go lucky here telling me to just be positive will suffer because of it. It's a universal thing.
But I've been applying for jobs on Monster and no to avail. This is really getting me down!! I'm about to loose my apartment and car. My parents are more concerned about their credit score then me so if I can't make the payments, they are going to refinance the car and sell it since they co-signed the loan. Then I'll be out of transportation.
It's just like one problem stacked on top of another and if I don't get my unemployment I'm royally screwed. Even if I do get it, my old employer might appeal it again and I could risk having to pay it all back now.
I just don't know where to f*cking turn to!! I was seriously thinking about going into the hospital again tonight as I write this because at least there I can be somewhat safe and cool off. If I tell them the full scoop on the conspiracy junk and that I have psychic abilities, I may end up being in the mental hospital till the end...because of course us conspiracy theorists are totally wacko and must be dealt with promptly!! I had to deny it last time I was there.
Part of me wants to end my life, and part of me doesn't. I really don't want to go through the experience of seeing everyone crying over me in my casket and the potential karma it would create. My dad would probably kill himself and my mom would be shaken to the core. But part of me...or someone else....just wants to end it because we all know 3D is an illusion and even a 4D experience seems non-enticing. I do believe I have good valid reasons to end it and go home.
I've also been paying close attention to my dreams and trying to interpret them....and so far...not so good. All negative ones.
I think the bell is tolling for me...
I told God the other night to either help me, or kill me and to stop f*cking around. Maybe God is giving me the green light to say, "come son...you can come home now." I already wrote my suicide note. Tried to make it as cheery as possible.
To be honest, I am seriously contemplating killing myself now. I didn't tell my folks the 100% truth of how I lost my job and they are a little pissed off about it now. I am behind on my rent and the landlord came to the apt today and told me I have to be out by November 1st. There was some BS that went on with CEO (welfare office) and my back rent assistance so now he told me to go back down and fix it or else I'm out. I told him fair enough, but it was strange because the building manager filled out the forms for me and I handed it back to CEO so I don't know what the problem is and still don't. He just told me he took my security deposit for October's rent and that the building manager was no longer employed with him and that I have to go back down and fix it. Major BS now and I'm really freaking out. He's kind of a slum lord I guess since this building is a dump.
Besides my financial situation, I'm freaked out about the coming financial crash and possible war with Iran (more like WW3) soon. This whole Saudi assassination and bombing plot is a total false flag....and one that I've been waiting for to happen. My research and inner gut tells me this is so. It's going to suck big time, so even people here who are happy go lucky here telling me to just be positive will suffer because of it. It's a universal thing.
But I've been applying for jobs on Monster and no to avail. This is really getting me down!! I'm about to loose my apartment and car. My parents are more concerned about their credit score then me so if I can't make the payments, they are going to refinance the car and sell it since they co-signed the loan. Then I'll be out of transportation.
It's just like one problem stacked on top of another and if I don't get my unemployment I'm royally screwed. Even if I do get it, my old employer might appeal it again and I could risk having to pay it all back now.
I just don't know where to f*cking turn to!! I was seriously thinking about going into the hospital again tonight as I write this because at least there I can be somewhat safe and cool off. If I tell them the full scoop on the conspiracy junk and that I have psychic abilities, I may end up being in the mental hospital till the end...because of course us conspiracy theorists are totally wacko and must be dealt with promptly!! I had to deny it last time I was there.
Part of me wants to end my life, and part of me doesn't. I really don't want to go through the experience of seeing everyone crying over me in my casket and the potential karma it would create. My dad would probably kill himself and my mom would be shaken to the core. But part of me...or someone else....just wants to end it because we all know 3D is an illusion and even a 4D experience seems non-enticing. I do believe I have good valid reasons to end it and go home.
I've also been paying close attention to my dreams and trying to interpret them....and so far...not so good. All negative ones.
I think the bell is tolling for me...
I told God the other night to either help me, or kill me and to stop f*cking around. Maybe God is giving me the green light to say, "come son...you can come home now." I already wrote my suicide note. Tried to make it as cheery as possible.