09-08-2011, 12:45 PM
(09-08-2011, 10:38 AM)Oceania Wrote: i have attacks of rage. righht now i'm frunk so it don't matter but i can't stand being around my mom i start chanting i hate you and i just can't stand it! but i think it's cuz i want to be on my own i've never had true independence cuz i'm autistic. but it just brings me to this separative violent ripping away that i need to sever these tubes of babyness and be my own person. i feel so stifled. i mean what do you do when you can't live alone but you need to? i don't think i knew this would happen. i mean Dolores says we came here to help but all i've done is be helpless. by all the mental disease and stuff, i never got a hold of this life. but i'm clearly an alien.
and we love you Monkey, if i was tuff on you it was cuz im passionate about that stuff, never because i don't think you're a great person!
gosh i sound like a true spazz! don't mind me.
You still sound awesome to me. I might a bit biased toward "spazz" though. ;-) lol, j/k... But not really. (spazz out)
all the stuff you describe sounds like a Saturn return to me. The idea is that Saturn is a "teacher" that moves thru all areas of your life over the 29 year period (give or take a year for speed fluctuations and retrogrades). This is the time we officially drop all the teenage things we still kinda hold on to. It is when all my high relationships transitioned. One was a "holder-on" that required effort to sever. My brother asked me last year, "when did you cut ties with all you 'friends'?". He was/is experiencing hos Saturn return.
It's a transition period. A new cycle of the Teacher is beginning. Saturn just entered my house of karma for the second time around. It is the "mystery" house that deals with my "hidden" psyche. We'll see what happens. ... Life is like a TV show sometimes.