Why do wanderers have low self-esteem

[Tenet Nosce]

Ra said that STO Wanderers are vulnerable to being caught up in 3D craziness and lose polarity. Too much self-esteem can make me think I'm better than everybody else, thus separate me from them. Solution: program low self-esteem into my personality. I should be grateful, I guess, having done it to myself.

That all makes sense to me. I would also add that this planetary society appears to be extremely distorted toward expressing jealously and anger toward anybody who demonstrates special gifts or talents. Indeed, I would suspect this is a collective defense mechanism created as a result of the extreme manipulation that went on in the past by 4D entities posing as gods.

Simple example: a kid gets straight A's in school and is at the top of their class. Rather than look up to that person as an example of what is possible for themselves, most of the other kids get jealous and conclude said person is just trying to be a "showoff". And so the ostracizing begins. Not to mention that whomever happens to be in the #2 slot tends to feel extremely resentful and bitter towards said person for "taking" the spotlight away from them. Even if said person wasn't at all interested in getting attention and praise, and simply just trying to "Do Their Best".

So we have an extreme incoherency in the group mind here whereby people in society are encouraged to "Do Their Best" but should some individual's "best" get too far outside the range of the rest of society, this is no longer acceptable. At which point, society turns in unison against the outlier as rabid dogs, publicly humiliating them and tearing them to pieces. Then they are off to the races, and looking for the next person to put up on a pedestal, and then tear down in jealously and rage. And so the cycle repeats itself.

I have experienced a similar phenomenon several times in this forum where I make a post. Another person comes by and says, "Wow, Tenet! That was very insightful. Thanks!" and before I can even say "You're welcome" another person swoops in and starts ripping apart my post, ostensibly to stop the praise from "getting to my head" or something.

Standard Mozart/Salieri type stuff. I can only assume that this is not normal, and that in a healthy society, those with special talents and gifts are honored and cherished, and it is appreciated that they are shining their light so brightly so that others may more clearly perceive their own shadows. In other words: our society has a huge "Nemesis Complex". When faced with an uncomfortable shadow, we have a tendency to blame the sun, rather than the huge object getting in the way. This object would be the ego. Of course, the ego being what it is, will deny its own shadow, and seek to project it upon the sun. Indeed, if the sun weren't shining so brightly, there would be no shadows, and so it seems to the ego that the sun must be extinguished in order for it to survive.

From here, is is the same old story. The ego seeks to continually "tear down" rather than "build up" all the while proclaiming that it knows the truth, can see through the facade, and is acting in the best interests of all by continuing to wield its destructive powers.

In this society- better for a wanderer to keep things under wraps, and to not reveal oneself to fully to others. Thus, self-doubt becomes a useful tool. I would also imagine that wanderers would program in a "fatal flaw" which can easily be leveraged by others should the wanderer step too far "out of line".

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I suppose it's tough to know that the most valuable thing you have to offer isn't appreciated by the wider society. It can seem natural for wanderers to want to love and serve everybody in a sort of universal, abstract sense, especially with so much suffering in the world. But that service will rarely be satisfying because we're in separate bodies closed off from direct experience of the social memory complex on purpose. So if you draw your sense of self from your ability to serve that wider social identity, it will be hard to maintain an emphasis on the things you wandered here to do.

That's why I believe it's really important that one's service to others be particular and personal: so you draw your self-esteem from genuine, deep relationships with one or a couple of good friends who can know and appreciate you. Seems to me that high self-esteem in wanderers usually stems from being able to find people, if only a few, who know who you are. If you can't find those people, the loneliness can be crushing.

Thanks, Jeremy6D, for this post. I find it to be quite astute, and immensely useful. I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say on this topic.