I loved your entire post, Nyu. It was very heartfelt and honest. Thank you so much for sharing!
I consider myself lucky; it feels like I barely made it (which I haven't, but at least now I have the tools of how to deal with lots of stuff here). I have no rush merging with the Creator either. My particular inclination is to go home to my social memory complex and unite with them, and to get my full memory back... And aaaaah - I am going to enjoy that so endlessly...
Regarding your post, I have felt most of what you feel, but that was all prior to the discovery of the Ra material. Now it feels like I have found my home and is not striving to search through endless, earthly, spiritual sources anymore in order to get answers. And what a comfortable, relaxing feeling that is, Nyu.... To finally slow it down, take it easy and learn how to breathe and enjoy properly...
Anyway, the "advices" that I can give you are the ones that I found helpful myself. The first thing that was of major importance to me, was the confirmation of the inner being. That confirmation came in my case, from the L/L Research material available online through their homepage. I know that people usually say that you need to confirm your inner self by yourself, but in my case it was impossible. I was waiting and looking for something coming from the outside, which is called "enlightment". What I didn't know is that I had all this truth and everything else that is needed inside of me already, and L/L Research material (not only the Books) confirmed all that. It was heaven on Earth when it happened. I felt how I just calmed down, relaxed in my whole body and mind so much, and in so many levels, that quite long time after that, everytime when I was heading somewhere, it felt like I forgot my backpack home because so much pressure and weight was gone.
The second big help to me was trying to live the studied material. Manifesting what is learned showed out to be of both a greatest help but also the most difficult one. But without practicing it in the real life it seems like there is a waste of all that knowledge and effort put into the studying. What I also noticed is that the more one is struggling to attempt to manifest it, the more help there is in this process. After a while you start to notice things. If there is a strong to desire to manifest something then there occurs like almost some kind of magical help. But this process is also divided in many steps, and comes gradually. For instance, now I am working consciously with service. The process started some weeks ago by the desire to manifest it more. And then I felt the most incredable help and presence. It felt like the Creator got so happy for me desiring that, that I was awarded with most greatest joy and neverceasing desire to serve, serve, serve. Of course it just lasted a day, in order to give me a pretaste of it, and then I had to work with it by myself. After that this process got laborious and confusing many times, like for everybody else. The most difficult in this is the physical pain and weariness. After a long day of serving others, when your whole body is aching and you just want to relax and rest, when a family member comes wanting you to rub his back, or you to pay the bills, or you to do some laundry, you just think - aaaaahh, I am too tired!
Anyway, the living what you preaching seems like a good idea to me. It also makes me to stay grounded which I have major difficulties with, and it also teaches me how to appreciate the mundane everyday life and all the things and the people around me, each moment! I don't know what I was doing prior to the L/L Research material, but it was not living in harmony and peace, that much I can say! So "enlightment" means to me that I am not striving for some kind of illuminated state of mind and spirit anymore, more than what I mentioned. The confirmation of the inner being and tools for how and what to do in each and every single moment.
I consider myself lucky; it feels like I barely made it (which I haven't, but at least now I have the tools of how to deal with lots of stuff here). I have no rush merging with the Creator either. My particular inclination is to go home to my social memory complex and unite with them, and to get my full memory back... And aaaaah - I am going to enjoy that so endlessly...
Regarding your post, I have felt most of what you feel, but that was all prior to the discovery of the Ra material. Now it feels like I have found my home and is not striving to search through endless, earthly, spiritual sources anymore in order to get answers. And what a comfortable, relaxing feeling that is, Nyu.... To finally slow it down, take it easy and learn how to breathe and enjoy properly...
Anyway, the "advices" that I can give you are the ones that I found helpful myself. The first thing that was of major importance to me, was the confirmation of the inner being. That confirmation came in my case, from the L/L Research material available online through their homepage. I know that people usually say that you need to confirm your inner self by yourself, but in my case it was impossible. I was waiting and looking for something coming from the outside, which is called "enlightment". What I didn't know is that I had all this truth and everything else that is needed inside of me already, and L/L Research material (not only the Books) confirmed all that. It was heaven on Earth when it happened. I felt how I just calmed down, relaxed in my whole body and mind so much, and in so many levels, that quite long time after that, everytime when I was heading somewhere, it felt like I forgot my backpack home because so much pressure and weight was gone.
The second big help to me was trying to live the studied material. Manifesting what is learned showed out to be of both a greatest help but also the most difficult one. But without practicing it in the real life it seems like there is a waste of all that knowledge and effort put into the studying. What I also noticed is that the more one is struggling to attempt to manifest it, the more help there is in this process. After a while you start to notice things. If there is a strong to desire to manifest something then there occurs like almost some kind of magical help. But this process is also divided in many steps, and comes gradually. For instance, now I am working consciously with service. The process started some weeks ago by the desire to manifest it more. And then I felt the most incredable help and presence. It felt like the Creator got so happy for me desiring that, that I was awarded with most greatest joy and neverceasing desire to serve, serve, serve. Of course it just lasted a day, in order to give me a pretaste of it, and then I had to work with it by myself. After that this process got laborious and confusing many times, like for everybody else. The most difficult in this is the physical pain and weariness. After a long day of serving others, when your whole body is aching and you just want to relax and rest, when a family member comes wanting you to rub his back, or you to pay the bills, or you to do some laundry, you just think - aaaaahh, I am too tired!
Anyway, the living what you preaching seems like a good idea to me. It also makes me to stay grounded which I have major difficulties with, and it also teaches me how to appreciate the mundane everyday life and all the things and the people around me, each moment! I don't know what I was doing prior to the L/L Research material, but it was not living in harmony and peace, that much I can say! So "enlightment" means to me that I am not striving for some kind of illuminated state of mind and spirit anymore, more than what I mentioned. The confirmation of the inner being and tools for how and what to do in each and every single moment.