06-30-2009, 11:10 PM
Ahhhgh. I'd truly like to contribute to this discussion but not sure I can make the words come. Giving it a good effort...
Which, I think it's important to note, was not how I viewed my state of mind at the time. I didn't view myself as 'miserable'; I viewed myself as 'realistic', and in many ways I was correct: There are terrible things happening in this world; I lived (and still do) in a socioeconomic bracket well below the poverty level; the living beings on this planet are in pain, at some level, most of the time, with war and poverty and crime and sleazy politicians and family discord and etc etc etc. It's all very real, that pain, and as an empath I felt it deeply.
Despite my best resolve, however, I did finally come to a point where I knew I had to change or die. Initially, I decided on the latter but obviously took the other route when it came down to it.
All said in order to show that I've been there. And it's not like I don't still experience pain in life but there have been some fundamental changes in how I view pain and how I deal with it. Perhaps the largest change, however, has been in that I've learned how to feel happy at times, as well, and for the most part, even when life becomes difficult, I've found my central core of balance, which has shown me how to appreciate this life, accept its totality - the happiness and the pain - and be grateful. It can be done.
For me, Buddhism (and many other religious practices) places too much emphasis on escape from this life. I did not come here for the purpose of learning how to leave/ascend/transcend from here. I came here to experience this life as it is. The experiences of this human incarnation are ones I could not have had from any other source, and there were (and still are) things to learn from these experiences. They are golden.
I now know that I will not reincarnate here unless I decide to do so; there's nothing that compelled me to come here except a purpose I gave myself for this life before I came here. There is no karmic cycle that will pull me back even if I were to pull the plug at this point. But I didn't have that understanding back when I was so miserable; perhaps it wasn't even true back then; perhaps what I've learned in the process of finding my inner balance is what made it so.
Forgive my rambling. Trying to find the balance between sharing and offering understanding....
So, Turtle/Jamal, I want to ask: if you woke up, still in this life, tomorrow and felt good about being here, what would have changed? Is there any way this life could feel acceptable to you? Are there any circumstances under which you would feel gratitude for this life?
plur
Turtle Wrote:I want to be free from this mind, and this body.I've been there, and for all I know maybe I'd be there right now if it weren't for this dang state of numbness I've been in lately. When the feeling of wanting to be free from this mind and body - this life, really - was at its strongest, I was pretty miserable... and it had a very negative impact on those closest to me. Back when this feeling was a constant in my life, I didn't have the benefit of spiritual awareness except for a vague understanding that if I took the situation in hand and ended my life, I'd probably just have to come back and experience it all over again until I learned what I needed to learn. While this understanding kept me from doing anything drastic, it didn't help much in any other way, and I was stuck feeling miserable.
Which, I think it's important to note, was not how I viewed my state of mind at the time. I didn't view myself as 'miserable'; I viewed myself as 'realistic', and in many ways I was correct: There are terrible things happening in this world; I lived (and still do) in a socioeconomic bracket well below the poverty level; the living beings on this planet are in pain, at some level, most of the time, with war and poverty and crime and sleazy politicians and family discord and etc etc etc. It's all very real, that pain, and as an empath I felt it deeply.
Despite my best resolve, however, I did finally come to a point where I knew I had to change or die. Initially, I decided on the latter but obviously took the other route when it came down to it.
All said in order to show that I've been there. And it's not like I don't still experience pain in life but there have been some fundamental changes in how I view pain and how I deal with it. Perhaps the largest change, however, has been in that I've learned how to feel happy at times, as well, and for the most part, even when life becomes difficult, I've found my central core of balance, which has shown me how to appreciate this life, accept its totality - the happiness and the pain - and be grateful. It can be done.
For me, Buddhism (and many other religious practices) places too much emphasis on escape from this life. I did not come here for the purpose of learning how to leave/ascend/transcend from here. I came here to experience this life as it is. The experiences of this human incarnation are ones I could not have had from any other source, and there were (and still are) things to learn from these experiences. They are golden.
I now know that I will not reincarnate here unless I decide to do so; there's nothing that compelled me to come here except a purpose I gave myself for this life before I came here. There is no karmic cycle that will pull me back even if I were to pull the plug at this point. But I didn't have that understanding back when I was so miserable; perhaps it wasn't even true back then; perhaps what I've learned in the process of finding my inner balance is what made it so.
Forgive my rambling. Trying to find the balance between sharing and offering understanding....
So, Turtle/Jamal, I want to ask: if you woke up, still in this life, tomorrow and felt good about being here, what would have changed? Is there any way this life could feel acceptable to you? Are there any circumstances under which you would feel gratitude for this life?
plur