anxiety & blockage

[lightworker]

i go in spurts of being fully enveloped in every aspect of the LOO
and slumps of not even being able to read a sentence of it or relate to it at all.
its almost like i am able to focus to an extreme amount of energy and love but i polarize too quickly
then i spend weeks or months trying to regain my footing and center myself again.

in this most recent cycle i was really starting to be able to actually APPLY what ive learned from the LOO to my life.
which i feel has been my most difficult challenge of all. its almost like to me
it means nothing if its only in my mind. i must find a way to apply it to daily life. otherwise it is just yet
another thing rattling about in my brain.

so in this recent cycle (starting around august or sept. of 2010)
i was really starting to be able to actually apply all of it to daily life.
living each day with love and taking each step as a challenge or catalyst.
everything was going so well and im not sure what really happened but everything stoppped.
the lucid dreaming, the sychronicities, the empathy and really just caring about anything in general.
it really felt like i started experiencing blockage (even though i was meditating and cleansing my chakras regularly)

when i would come to bring4th or try to read the LOO i almost felt disgusted, like it was a toy i got bored of.
and at the very same time, inside i YEARNED to love and spread light.
it felt like it wasnt me that didnt want to read it. i WANTED to read it, just something was stopping me.
and every day i would think to myself, i know im getting off my path and it only gets worse and worse when i do.

so recently its gotten terrible. it all started mid january. things were supposed to be going great in my life.
im really close to graduating, i have a few awesome job opportunities lined up, my boyfriend and i are coming to closure on a
2 year custody battle for his daughter, just everything was lined up to be so great but inside i felt numb to it all.

i cant feel anything at all but anxiety. ive been FREAKING OUT inside since january.
anxiety every day over every single thing, every decision.
ive felt lost and like im on the wrong path. not suicidal..
but sometimes i just want to curl up in the womb of the universe and rest there for a little while.


so here is basically why im posting:

1. how can i help with my blockage of not being able to APPLY the things ive learned? or this blockage in general?
2. does this sound like some kind of psychic attack or negative greeting? (it feels like an outside energy)
3. ANY tips or stories or ANYTHING that would help settle my mind right now.