Should I continue to have contact with my father?

[Vince]

How about... I hope you had a good mother.... :-/

yes, i had a very good mother who raised me. she was the exact opposite of my father, and that's probably why they got divorced when i was six years old. i'm 40 years old now. my mother passed away three years ago, so that support is recently gone, and this strange man (whom i only met in person once) just moved in again with my father after being in jail for fourteen years.

I wish I had a clear answer for you. But basically all I can say is that, it's okay to choose for yourself if you feel you can't handle these guys. He is your father, he helped put you into the world. But that was his choice. It's your choice to decide if that deserves your everlasting love.

they don't pose an immediate threat to me personally, although i start to get mentally distressed when thinking about it. i can't hug my father or anything ever, because he interprets physical contact (a simple hug from his son) the wrong way, and tries to respond sexually if he's drunk. the one man also has the HIV virus, but they both deny the doctors' diagnoses. I'm afraid to touch them or use their toilet, so i've always had to limit myself to restaurant contacts with my father.

If you were around and there would be problems then perhaps there'd be something you could do, ring an alarm bell someplace for example. But that in itself is not enough reason to stick around. You don't carry the responsibility to keep your father who is an adult on the right track. You don't have to like or support his choices either.

we live a half hour from each other, so i don't really have to contact him if i don't want to. i've been going out to lunch with my father about once every two months for the last few years, but that was before this pedophile ex-contact recently moved in with him again. they live in a mobile home park with several children, so i get concerned that way. the sex offender lists don't get published online for a few months.

For what it's worth. Being in a relationship does not mean we need to visit them every Sunday. A phone call now and again might be enough. And you can build up from there. If you break off the relationship then that move is pretty much final. The possibility to rebuild is much smaller.

i had once ceased total contact with my father from age 14 to 28 under the counsel of a pastor many years ago. now i'm 40. i'm more concerned with maintaining my own health than a relationship with my father. he had married this man without my knowledge during the time that i had ceased contact with him when i was younger. the wierd thing is that this man that he married is exactly my age. they're not the same age. it's like he was trying to marry a replacement for me as his son. so this strange man is both a surrogate son and a husband to him.

So I think I'd personally not break off the relationship, but just show my nose less and less, and less...

i think that it will be a lot less. i tend to be very strict in my relationships in general. i don't affiliate with anyone who might endanger my health in any way. i'm also concerned that illegal activity with children may recur, because they don't necessarily hold each other legally accountable. they are against the government, whereas i'm extremely law-abiding myself, perhaps due to the way that my mother raised me.

Good luck friend.

thank you. blessings.

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If you get into astrology, or psychology or NLP. Something that helps you understand other people it may help you accept the situation.

i strongly believe that they're very ill, like if a person damages their physical brains on drugs or something. i try to find no rhyme or reason in it. if one tries to understand madness, one will simply go mad. i find it impossible for me to reason logic out of madness. i understand a bit more intellectually about it, but it seems like sheer madness to me emotionally. they're not into psychological counseling like they should be, because they deny a problem.

The fact of the matter is if you did have a relationship with him and his partner did something like that. If you found out you would have to report it. There should be no moral dilemma. Simply report it so another kid doesn't get injured. And I don't think there's much moral agonising even after that decision.

i'm more concerned about a child's safety than i am about maintaining a relationship with my father. i'd report something immediately if ever i found out, because i have zero tolerance about harming children. especially since the man has HIV and has been in denial about it too. it can be life or death when extended to that point.