apologising and empathy

[Ocean]

you know what? i love myself. if i'm so afraid of losing unique self i must love myself a whole lot. not in a narcissistic way of course. but as a valid part of the world. i always love people from afar and never imagine i am on the same level. as worthy. i feel like once they see my gunk they will reject me. but i do love myself, even if everyone else rejects me, i see the good in me, the unique value in me. all this self confidence bull doesn't matter. it's all about pride. true humility is not caring about that stuff because you know everyone is a diamond and if there's gunk on the surface, that's just gunk. why am i so focused on my gunk? isn't the real me. it isn't the real anybody. it's so obvious there's a diamond underneath and that's what matters. with everybody. maybe next time i can think of that when i think i see gunk and just see past it to the good stuff and remember diamonds shouldn't yell at diamonds. i will try.

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i hope you're right yossarian. i do still want to be me.