03-14-2011, 01:14 AM
Self-loathing is being nudged toward improvement by the very closest person in your life: the one in your very own skin. Here is a suggestion directly from the One, as typed by me 
: Agree with this person in your skin that you will take action toward change if he will back the hell off.
Say you want to fix the fear of apology. After you regret saying an ego-driven something to a person who didn't deserve to hear it, follow up soon by starting the conversation with something like, "I realized soon after we talked that I went a wrong way and now I want to apologize. I revealed an embarrassing side of me, and I hope by saying I'm sorry enough times it will go away. So here goes, I'm sorry and I mean it." As you say those last words, have a serious face then switch on a smile. This lets the other person/self know that this is a big deal to you, but you are friendly, not scary.
Keep looking into eyes, not away, until the person responds. With luck, s/he will say something more than, "Oh, that's all right," such as, "Well thank you for saying this. I won't give up on you now!" That response means that you grew in stature to this person, right? Therefore your fear was holding you back and now you know it! As Ra kept saying, experience is the best (and only meaningful) teacher.
A few more successful apologies like that and you will have knocked off a major block. At that point, thank your nagging self and release this particular reminder (you don't want to keep remembering forever those mistakes/missed opportunities).
The person might just say "That's all right" from being nervous with this kind of conversation. Say "Well it wasn't all right to me, so I'm glad I showed my eagerness to improve. If I start going off like that again, will you look at me funny so I can catch myself? I'd appreciate it." Smile.
I hope this seems easy. It would be to me, but I'm not you. Practice in front of a mirror if it does seem scary. Wait, even better than a mirror, before falling asleep or just after waking, imagine the person right in front of you and imagine apologizing. Now see how they react. This will be excellent preparation for the real thing.
After apologizing a time or two you will feel the weight dropping off your back. Each time will make the next one half as difficult. Better still, you will notice your own life improvement.
Whew, I've typed enough. Good luck!
: Agree with this person in your skin that you will take action toward change if he will back the hell off.Say you want to fix the fear of apology. After you regret saying an ego-driven something to a person who didn't deserve to hear it, follow up soon by starting the conversation with something like, "I realized soon after we talked that I went a wrong way and now I want to apologize. I revealed an embarrassing side of me, and I hope by saying I'm sorry enough times it will go away. So here goes, I'm sorry and I mean it." As you say those last words, have a serious face then switch on a smile. This lets the other person/self know that this is a big deal to you, but you are friendly, not scary.
Keep looking into eyes, not away, until the person responds. With luck, s/he will say something more than, "Oh, that's all right," such as, "Well thank you for saying this. I won't give up on you now!" That response means that you grew in stature to this person, right? Therefore your fear was holding you back and now you know it! As Ra kept saying, experience is the best (and only meaningful) teacher.
A few more successful apologies like that and you will have knocked off a major block. At that point, thank your nagging self and release this particular reminder (you don't want to keep remembering forever those mistakes/missed opportunities).
The person might just say "That's all right" from being nervous with this kind of conversation. Say "Well it wasn't all right to me, so I'm glad I showed my eagerness to improve. If I start going off like that again, will you look at me funny so I can catch myself? I'd appreciate it." Smile.
I hope this seems easy. It would be to me, but I'm not you. Practice in front of a mirror if it does seem scary. Wait, even better than a mirror, before falling asleep or just after waking, imagine the person right in front of you and imagine apologizing. Now see how they react. This will be excellent preparation for the real thing.
After apologizing a time or two you will feel the weight dropping off your back. Each time will make the next one half as difficult. Better still, you will notice your own life improvement.
Whew, I've typed enough. Good luck!