Session 46.9 Polarity and anger.

[Patrick]

A person that has work through any knots within themselves do not "explode" when being tested. 

I would agree. But such a person does not exist. Might not even be possible to have an existence, I would argue.

Just because you show extraordinary patience to triggers that others may not, does not mean you are "peaceful" or "passive."
Also, it is not a "token" for the angry outburst when it happens. 

The "shock" is not from you suddenly "breaking" out of your normal and expected behavior. 

But it is from the sudden realization that this person is capable of violence. (Not that you intended to be)
There is a true color under the sheep clothing. 

The "shock" is from expectations not being met. The issue, if there is any issue in this, comes from the person having an expectation. I have observed that many people expect others to be perfect. They are often not aware they have that expectation, but when it inevitably goes unmet, it creates frustrations. Without doing some work to drop that unseen expectation, we end up being able to muster some frustrations towards anyone and everyone. Since no one is perfect and could ever meet all expectations.

Each of us have that violence inside of us without exception. That one is easy enough to understand, because each of us contains all things period. While that is true, we still have choices. That is what we are. We represent one particular flow of choices from the One.

The emotion, the reaction, and the causation are not placed "externally" ... Just because someone want you to be angry to "satisfy" their own social constructed need, does not mean the anger is justify. 

Not understanding why a passive person could suddenly turn into a bomb out of nowhere is more of masking rather than just going with the flow. 

Remember, anger is not the primary reason, there is a "hurt" underneath being ignored. 

I hope you speak to someone. 

Indeed, an angry outburst from myself might very well not be justified. Such a thing seems to happen to me once per about 2-3 years. It is so sparse that it frustrates people's expectations maybe more than it normally would.

After the fact, I meditate on it and what I shared in my previous post are my observations/intuitions. Mainly that it happened for a good reason which appears with some clarity in meditation, but not enough for my taste.

For example, you mention a hurt, just having our expectations going unmet is enough to hurt us. It is a shared responsibility. We could get hurt by someone just because they disagree with us. If we expected them to agree with us.

The way I see it, this is a question of managing our expectations. I do work closely with my wife on all such things and catalysts. Also with my co-workers. Those whom have known me for decades are nonetheless taken aback when they see me angry. To give you an idea of an "outburst" of anger from me that happens every few years: Corporate Infra has been steadily increasing the ridiculous level of bureaucracy to get anything done and at a meeting practically orders me to follow their latest non-sensical procedure for which we have been arguing and debating for months and I say with a clear and cutting voice: "No!". That is me having an angry outburst. Basically drawing a limit line to how much power mongering I am able to patiently and rationally deal with.

A person that is angry all the time is actually less concerning to a therapist like myself than a person that have sudden "episodes" and acting benign about it due to some kind of spiritual text they read somewhere. 

Hope you resolve whatever that hurts you Patrick 

Thank you, there is really no need to worry. I believe my current approach of working on myself to be quite efficient. In the past, I lived for a while with a cousin that is a psychotherapist. That was a very enlightening experience. That is where I learned that all of us without exception whatsoever would benefits from regular therapy. It should be like brushing our teeth. Just another aspect of ourselves that needs as much attention.