Some advice.

[Spiritualchaos]

Hi guys,
  
I don't like to do posts like these, as I realise it isn't about a positive topic. But I would like your opinion...

When I was younger, I use to suffer with severe night terrors. These are nightmares that happen while you're awake, you basically wake up when you're asleep, unaware that you're having a night terror and I would just run around screaming and crying with extreme terror, it's terror at the extreme level. They could last for anything between 20 minutes to 3 hours. It alarmed my mom and everyone around me massively, as it would anyone who stayed at our house and got to see them, and the next day I wouldn't even remember having one. When I had my awakening at 20 years old, I became aware that these night terrors was my reaction to the negative vibrations of the planet. I also realise as I get older that these could of been triggered by negative entities, as it would be classed as a weakness to play off and they could feed tremendously from these night terrors.

I was hyperactive when I was younger, I was placed on Valium at 6 years old which is ridiculous when you think about it. I was falling asleep all the time and they were turning me into a zombie, so my mom quickly took me off them. I just had this enormous energy coursing through me all the time, but I was clever and exceeded at everything I did, so it was hard for doctors and my family to judge things properly. Normally if a child was naughty it was because of learning difficulties and/or the inability to concentrate. My concentration was perfect and I was top of all my classes.

My older sibling is a service to self being. He has been hell bent my whole life on torturing me (physically and verbally), splitting up my relationships with others, slandering my name to others and jumping on any weakness he could find to cause havoc in my life. He was obsessed with me since I was a child, and it took many years into adulthood for my mom and the beings around me to notice how weirdly obsessed with me he was, although I had been calling this out since I was a child.

I weirdly became friends with a service to self being, who practiced the dark arts and so did his father. They also became obsessed with me and spent many years trying to keep me spiritually unconscious while they performed their black magic, I'm still in contact with the one I became friends with but I'm working at cutting off this relationship. He deliberately caused many energetic ties between us and these are not easy to break. It's taken a lot of discernment and will power to begin breaking these, but I'm close to finalizing things to a point where I'll be able to go my separate way and he won't be able to contact me again.

When I had my awakening at 20 years old, this part is creepy, but I realised I had negative implants put into my head. They looked like pegs, and I knew negative beings had put them there. Both extraterrestrial negatives and the service to self terrestrials had been working on me for a long time. These negative implants basically keep you locked in negative, and are designed to turn you negative in the long run. As creepy as these implants sound, I didn't care so much when I awakened, I was able to remove the implants with the power of awareness and I realised I was too positive to ever be turned negative.

When I awakened I knew so much and was having so many realisations, I thought it would last forever, only to later plunge into the dark night of the soul.

People are triggered against me really easily. I've had all of my close relationships tarnished throughout my lifetime, I've had my part to play in this and haven't always acted lovingly, but beings around me really don't like me getting close with anyone. They somehow have to find there way in and cause trouble.

When I had an awakening, one of the realisations I had was that I just wanted to be here to experience it, on earth that is. Just to look at it, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette occasionally, to see nature and look at the animals. It didn't feel like I was on some big divine mission, I just wanted to bloody be here lol.

Now I'm reaching my point (sorry to rant on, but to get the right advice I wanted to give a full picture of my life), I surely didn't choose all of this lol. I didn't make all these soul contracts with negative beings, I didn't agree to be attacked by them, I didn't ask all these beings before incarnating to try and wreck me and all my relationships, I didn't ask them to take away anyone I love and turn them against me. I didn't agree to have all this black magic performed on me etc etc etc.

I'm not perfect and I realise I have attracted all of this attention somehow, I've acted unloving at times, but through lots of contemplation I can only feel that most of all this has come from me being positive and a light bringer.

So, without taking on any negative energy or feeling like you have to do so, if you can put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel about this? And I would also love to hear some outside perspectives about how this all sounds or any advice you have for healing?

I feel like the next part of my life is going to require lots of healing, I just want to be on my own now, I can't cope with others anymore and it's quite liberating to know I have the choice to be on my own and I don't have to rely on others anymore. And ah I love the creator so much, I really do, but I have lost a lot of faith in him but it hasn't gone completely. I like to think he's watching over me, I do see him like a father and I talk to him all the time. But then theres parts of me that wonders why he let me get wrecked in this lifetime, I do feel fed to the savages a little bit.

Well I can say that I can relate to this deeply. Not only has this happened to my partner when he was younger (child-night terrors), it also happens to my 2-year old son. It started when he was very little, maybe 6 months old, he'd wake up crying. Normally when this happened, you could calm him down or console him. But this always felt different. He'd just cry and cry, and you couldn't get him to stop. It was like he was unaware that we were even there. We'd repeat his name, and nothing. It always took at least 2 hours to get him to calm down, to bring him back from wherever he was, whatever grip had a hold of him. I always believed it was negative entities, knowing who we all are, and causing us issues. My son is very sensitive, he is a Pisces like me, and has always been easily overstimulated, also like me. 

My son is also very "busy" as we like to say. He doesn't like to sit still for very long, he is always climbing the furniture, running around the house, and jumping off chairs. According to my partner's mother, he was also like this as a child. He suffered from night terrors too, even as a child his mom had an encounter with beings of blue light standing outside his bedroom door, although he believes that they were the ones protecting him from whatever was out to scare him. 

Regarding the service to self sibling, in this aspect I can relate greatly. My sister is a perpetual "victim" in her own eyes, and is really good at manipulating my parents into doing everything for her. She was never happy to have to share the spotlight with her little sister, who only wanted to love her. She eventually won, as spending time with my family became impossible after our relationship broke down, as she made it a huge dramatic occurrence whenever I was around, so I stopped coming around. 

Regarding the negative implants... this is not territory I have a lot of experience with, although my ex husband's current fiancé thinks she has an alien implant inside of her. But my partner... from my connection to our social memory complex, and his own dreams and intuition, we get the impression that he has wandered to a lot of negative planets, or ended up on one after the harvest turned that particular planet into 4th density negative planet. There is a lot of bleed-through from these experiences, and he gets the direct impression that negative entities both respect him and despise him. It causes a lot of anxiety I think, which makes it harder for him to let go of his vices (smoking, drinking coffee, etc). 

My partner also triggers me greatly. There is a hardness to his perspective that is so much different than my naïve, child-like innocence, that allows me to be easily fooled by people's intentions and walked all over by others. I can't see the negativity in others, but I can feel it if they are negatively polarized enough to alert those feelings. My partner frequently thinks there are bad intentions coming from my words and I am very confused by that, considering the only thoughts in my heart are usually how I could be more loving and service to others. He is a bit overwhelmed by the intensity at which I express myself and feel my feelings. Upon meeting each other, a dark night of the soul commenced, that just settled down for me recently (it's been over 6 years), while he has a lot more to figure out to get to the level of acceptance that I have of my true self and nature.

This line in particular: When I had an awakening, one of the realisations I had was that I just wanted to be here to experience it, on earth that is. Just to look at it, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette occasionally, to see nature and look at the animals. It didn't feel like I was on some big divine mission, I just wanted to bloody be here lol.

You sound almost identical to my partner. Seriously. I have heard him say this exact thing to me before. I should get him to join the boards, I imagine he could relate. He is a lot younger than me (he is 29, I am 41, even though I know age’s don’t truly matter, it does offer a generational perspective I might be missing) but I feel like he may be able to connect to you. He has an acceptance in himself, knowing these negative beings are connected to him, and is not bothered by it (besides the bleed-through that amplifies his vices). If anything, he finds their attempts to screw with us "amusing", while I think it's sad, and just want to send love in their direction. *shrug* I'm sure this is why we are together now, we have a lot to each other. 

If you need to talk further, you can for now message me, and I'll pass the message along to him. We share everything so I'm sure he'd have no issues with this. 

Love & Light to you dear wanderer. We are here for you.