Like a misplaced puzzle piece

[seren88]

Hi sillypumpkins,

Firstly, **massive virtual hugs**

Like so many others on here, I can so relate to what you are saying. Please know that you are not alone, despite how intensely that feels to be the case at times, I know the internet doesn't replace real life connections, but we are here, and we do understand.


I've not managed to extinguish this anguish in myself, but thinking about it in terms of - enduring this pain is part of my service to others, because my very presence here does make a different regardless of whether I am consciously involved in that or not. That sort of sounds a bit arrogant reading it back, but I don't mean it to be.

Accepting/realising that I am a wonderer (from where I don't know and it's sort of irrelevant), instead of doubting that, and accepting that there is so much I do not understand about my being, my energy, how it influences and interacts with others/nature outside of my understanding and conscious awareness, having faith that I am helping just by enduring, helps a little bit. It doesn't make it go away, but I bring my thoughts back to here when they get really dark.


I don't feel like I can connect with people fully either, I feel like most people feel that they can with me, but I've yet to share my self in it's entirety with another. I hope one day that will happen, but I also am wondering if this is a longing, a memory of home of how it truly feels to be seen/known and understood by another. It's painful, and as you've said, starting to form that connection with your self is part of it for sure.

Really tending to my mental and physical health has been an integral part of that process for me. Spiritual beings we are, from another place it seems, but we are inhabiting physical body's of this place for the time being, subject to psychological and physical influences that we can start to work with.

There is so much that food, herbs, movement, sleep, supplements, forming daily patterns (this is actually huge) that can directly influence our body's chemistry which directly influences our psychology, which will also directly influence your spiritual body/emotional body.

It didn't solve my issues, but, it's definitely been part of my process of balancing the lower chakras, getting in tune with my body, listening to it, it's a form of self love and self care, and it can take the severity of the depression down a few notches.

I've also used cannabis to just escape my pain. I have very positive experiences on cannabis as well and feel intensely connected to the universe.

If you are using it to escape though, then it's not serving, I got to this point, using it daily, and I'm not going to lie it did help with my despair. You have to evaluate where you are with whatever substances one finds relief in, and slowly reduce whilst brining in other things to use instead.

Not trying to lecture/offer unwarranted advice- sorry if I have. If none of this resonates that's cool, I have certainly not mastered this and it's not a constant for me.

I am currently feeling so alone and disconnected at the moment- I actually have a partner/we live together, but I still feel this way, I'm not wanting to really engage with others where possible.

I find most people exhausting to be fair, and I don't know how to get past this.

My DM's are always open if you just want to share how you are feeling, feeling heard and understood is such a fundamental need that people have and I think as a wanderer that's inherently difficult to achieve. This is partially why therapy works wonders, it's much more than that obviously but just feeling heard, feeling like you've expressed the depths of your self, and someone understood it, is so healing.

Often we are not looking for advice, we just want to be understood xxxxx


**Edited several typos here.