(11-09-2020, 02:01 PM)Diana Wrote: I have no regrets at all for coming here, even though there are times when the suffering and sorrows in this world are overwhelming. As a child, I do recall thinking about suicide intellectually. But in general, no matter how tough it is to get along here and do what must be done, there is so much beauty on Earth to balance it, and I do have a sense of being here for a reason.
That sense of having a mission or being here for some reason seems to trump any oppression or depression deriving from how really hard it can be sometimes. When things spiral down, I imagine what I would feel in whatever afterlife I end up in, and I realize that I just don't want to bail no matter how painful it is. And I also remember to focus on the beauty of Earth, or even something mundane such as finishing a project, which does not make the difficulty go away, but it does make difficulty recede and take a back seat to more positive and productive ways of being.
In an appraisal on my own life in regards to the original query, I would in large agree with all respondents and with the core sentiment of perseverance or faith.
I quote Diana because she has voiced already much of what I would say.
I do not regret having been here. If I had a djinni at my service, let's say, and I had the opportunity to literally re-write my life history - I believe I would elect to keep things 'as written.' I might find it informative to see the effect of a change here and there as it redounds through the lifetime, but, I suppose I'll have that chance at my actual review when this life ends. I can think of many valuable moments which might be lost if their antecedents were re-written or written out, and that's enough for me to accept my past.
Intriguing to me, however, is one feature of my alleged birth report:
"a spirit trying to decide if he really WANTED to stay here"
That certainly does not sound like the "foolhardiness or bravery" of a wanderer to me ... Though maybe whatever indecision or, charitably, agreeableness I felt at the prospect of incarnating here could be somewhere in the spectrum of that concept, bravery.
One thing I feel I lack is a real drive to stay. Sorrows compound the feeling, the feeling can be 'confused' with the suicidal ideation, and can be 'distracted' by certain projects or other productive ways of being. Certainly, the earth is beautiful. I love the planet. I am appreciative of those around me, rough edges included. And, again, I peer into my past and see many valuable moments; learning for myself, service to others, catalyst to others ... and as has been quoted already, there is no 'dead time' in an incarnation, so for however many moments I continue, therein lies value (and the same is true for every one, in every moment).
However, also, as regards myself, I feel a 'drawing to the close.' I feel somewhat 'redundant,' in my current position and phase in life. I interpret this as meaning that, maybe, my lessons for this lifetime are nearing completion.
... Maybe I have just become more skilled at dressing up a weariness for life - but, I do believe it would inappropriate to actively end my life (except in the event of a meaningful sacrifice, my life for another). Actively ending being the operative word. I have mentioned my adrenal condition and my struggles with it in a few places, and I do not wish to belabor the point, but it is still something that I am pondering.
When I felt I wanted my life to end, or that it should end, primarily because of the pressures the condition puts on me or because of the peripheral catalyst -- those thoughts were, I believe, not properly balanced. I have several helpers who deserve thanks and apologies as regards those thoughts, which I will not write here.
I also believe, again, that those thoughts have been transformed. I now feel that I could quietly put my affairs in order, refuse treatment, and pass away.
Would this be true for any with a condition that requires regular allopathy to sustain the yellow ray body? Certainly, it would be convenient, but it does not strike me as a universal route.
Is it correct for me at exactly this current time? Also, no. The process would take time and, besides, I see there are still a few loose ends I could tie up.
Still, that the option still feels available and without the prior emotional charge, tells me that it is among those appropriate.