Ericon is here

[Diana]

Addictions, escapes, and coping mechanisms are largely or maybe always misguided attempts to meet an unmet, genuine need, I believe. ... I have known my own share of that which you speak. What a shortcut to modify one's consciousness so rapidly with the intake of a chemical. Especially when that consciousness is laden with trouble and pain of various sorts. But a good drink with good company? There's always a middle way. Life is to be enjoyed, and accepted.

I love this.

Glimmers. I've gotten the aroma of isness when the noisy, hypnotic, self-entrapping mind-clouds part for a moment to reveal the stunning emptiness and infinite beauty of the present moment. But soon enough, this pristine awareness is stolen away by the tangled circuitry of the energy body, an undisciplined attention, and untransmuted vassanas.

I'm probably going to shred this because of an inability to articulate it, but...

There is also the idea of holding both states at once. To not resist or deny either. That is not to say one shouldn't focus on one or the other, as this is very practical, and meditating is one, or the best, door to opening up that larger view. But when experiencing the mundane 3D life and all of its richness in pain and beauty and ephemeralness, and at the same time being aware of a sort of tesseract envelope of cosmic or higher-dimensional awareness around the 3D experience—being almost two entities at once (mundane 3D entity + higher-dimensional entity), leaves one in a state of being that seems to require nothing in particular, only that it is, and its nodding at you, saying hello. It doesn't offer anything because the path is your own, but while here in this place of suffering, it constitutes a sort of balancing of the equation, rather like a light at the end of a tunnel (which you are still in) yet the light is not easy. 

In those moments the paradox of being alone and at the same time connected to something unfathomable kicks in. We, in our 3D (or early 4D as the case may be), are compelled to articulate the mystery. But as is observed in about any facet of life, things generally are not what we imagine they will be from a point of view which hasn't gotten there yet. What I see as an underlying basis for existence is freedom in all of its manifestations, which of course relates to the "first distortion." I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't expect to reach bliss, or happiness, or any human comfort, as a result of exploring consciousness—only freedom (which I don't pretend to really understand).

I feel like I said a lot but didn't say anything.  

I'm gearing up for my first ten-day silent meditation retreat. I am apprehensive/excited.

Awesome. I have no doubt that the retreat will be worth your while. Even if it's just to get some rest.