Ericon is here

[Steppingfeet]

I am likely to have used substances as a way of coping in a very destructive manner. It was what I loved. I still like intoxication.

Addictions, escapes, and coping mechanisms are largely or maybe always misguided attempts to meet an unmet, genuine need, I believe. If one traces each need back to its source, one finds the original, primal need to heal the seeming separation from the One. That is to say, much human suffering might be framed as the uninformed attempt to fill the proverbial "god-sized hole" within each of us. I have known my own share of that which you speak. What a shortcut to modify one's consciousness so rapidly with the intake of a chemical. Especially when that consciousness is laden with trouble and pain of various sorts. But a good drink with good company? There's always a middle way. Life is to be enjoyed, and accepted.

Having been asleep, some latent personality traits being shone light upon by awakening to the timeless truth of the One, are possibly likely to jump out of deep sleep roaring. It's emphasized. It can go both ways, generally. It will go infinitely many ways, specifically.

That's my sense of it too, though I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "It can go both ways." Maybe that the mounting suffering can catalyze the seeking for silence & stillness; and silence & stillness, consciously experienced, will of necessity reveal that which is not silent & still.

Me: If identifiable, what was the catalyst for the "suddenly"? What triggered you to become conscious that you were "searching for something"? Not of any particular consequence, as the outer mechanism is just the outworking of a much deeper internal process, but I'm always curious what sparks the conscious seeking.

It was an intense, life long gradual building up of intensity and an eventual recognition of helplessness. One important trigger was the recognition of Truth in the path so cleverly lovingly offered by Yogani.

I appreciate the self-awareness and humility in this reflection. Helplessness, indeed. A precursor of surrender.

There's a dualism in that line of thought that I think is both helpful and necessary on the pathway to non-duality. "I can't do this, but You can." "Not my will, but Thine." "I am not the source, You are." Etc.

Tolle (who you mention) and other spiritual teachings speak of the necessity to disidentify from the false self, as it were, or the ego, the personality shell, the illusory individual identity, and so forth. There is a more subtle, seamless continuum of a selfhood that is ultimately indivisibly unitary in the Law of One* and its model of the chakras, but this basic pattern of dying to the illusion to be reborn in what-is exists fully within the Confederation's thoughts.

(*See Ra's statement: "Thus self reveals self to self." Though I might capitalize the first and second use of "self.")

Me: This emanates a great degree of peace with the self, with what is. Catastrophe combined with the death/rebirth experience facilitated by LSD seems to have contributed to this present degree of equanimity. Is there anything else to which you would attribute a release of the tumult in the abidance of what is?

Acceptance is what I would attribute it to. It is a day-by-day or moment-to-moment thing or new reality. Material such as the Law of One has been very soothing as of late. Teach/learners as Mooji and Eckhart Tolle to name a few have also attributed to stability. LSD is likely to have helped quite a bit. Restrictiveness of cannabis consumption also seem to be important for this one at this time. So, in addition to acceptance, some discipline of the personality has been needed. Lets just call it acceptance/discipline. Two halves of the same cookie. Running and other regular physical activity are needed too.

I bolded your first sentence above. Acceptance: core, simple, profound, true, beautiful. And situated at the center of a self that is holistic, that operates on multiple levels and lines. I appreciate that there is not neglect of the other levels, such as the recognition of the value of supporting the body, etc., as an integral portion of the whole.

Yes. Thank you very much. Have you consciously penetrated into what is?

Glimmers. I've gotten the aroma of isness when the noisy, hypnotic, self-entrapping mind-clouds part for a moment to reveal the stunning emptiness and infinite beauty of the present moment. But soon enough, this pristine awareness is stolen away by the tangled circuitry of the energy body, an undisciplined attention, and untransmuted vassanas. With the turn of this year I've been meditating more, spending more time developing concentration in order to rest in silence. I'm gearing up for my first ten-day silent meditation retreat. I am apprehensive/excited, but mostly excited.

Thanks Ericon for your sharing. The https://aypsite.org/ website looks like a tremendous resource as well. Blessings be to those people and groups sharing their light freely with the world for spiritual seekers to use as resources on their journeys.