I need help :(

[lost_squirrel]

Hi all,

I don't know where else to turn to for support, so I hope it is OK for me to post here. I have struggled my entire life with feelings of alienation and isolation. I have been very unlucky with forming and maintaining close relationships, since I have trouble connecting with others and feel like I "don't belong" anywhere and that nobody understands me. I am in my mid-30s now, and I realized that I am all alone, and it feels so terrible. I cannot stop thinking of how I want to leave this incarnation--I keep researching methods on how I can kill myself effectively. I have a deep sense of knowing that I am in fact a wanderer, and that I do not belong here. It explains my constant feelings of alienation, and why I have never been able to "find my place" in this material world. I just want to leave this place. The isolation and alienation is unbearable. I just want to retreat to a beautiful spot in nature, and let myself disappear into nothingness. 

I don't know what else to do. Please help me