Dealing with sexuality.

[Dtris]

Thanks for all the great responses so far. In my situation, I'm not in a sexual relationship with anyone and for several reasons like I said I feel like I can't be. So all my sexuality is expressed only with myself. I'm not consciously polarizing negatively with this, but as I understand the Law of One material, there is no neutral. Everything we do is either STS or STO. The neutral idea I think comes from the sinkhole of indifference dealing with harvestability, but it's only neutral because all the mixed positive and negative choices cancel each other out and result in no net polarization. Expressing sexuality by yourself seems to me to be possible only in a STS way because there's no other-self in the picture to serve. What bothers me about this is that it leaves you focusing on your own gratification alone and sexual attraction and lust seems like it becomes exploitative in its energy, not seeing the other as the self with love as the Creator in unity but as an object, with no mutual reciprocity to balance it out and take the focus off the self. This dynamic grieves my spirit because I know that all is one in love, but while operating in this manner, it feels like I'm not recognizing or upholding that.

While I don't agree with your interpretation of the nature of self love, I will say you can always abstain. There is a reason that not ejaculating is necessary for certain developments in eastern taoist and buddhist practices. You may find that after abstaining awhile you have much more self control than your realized, among other benefits. It may also help bring clarity to the subject.