Generation Gap

[Sacred Fool]

 
So, Pumpkin, if someone asked you if you feel like you're living in a sinkhole of indifference, would you answer, in some ways yes, in some ways no?  Would it be an answer with little or no charge to it?  And by "indifference" I don't mean you can't decide if you lean positively or negatively.  I mean you don't have enough personal charge (spark, inspiration, depth of current) to do much to help nor do much to hinder.  I.e., you're largely in a neutral mode.  (Q'uo speaks about it in this way someplace or other.)

Frankly, I see many of the themes in my own life decorating your narrative, and I really do understand the feeling of being disengaged from anything which matches my profile of interests.  I'm framing it this way in the paragraph above to invite you look at it from a different angle.  Specifically, in my experience (also being very hard to please in this regard) until you work out ways to actually engage your heart and your passion in some kind of a juicy way, you'll continue meandering upon this unnurturing lateral plane with no connection in sight to a much more rewarding experience of being.  This is to say, it's the enlivening of your heart's engagement with your opportunities which can buoy you up out of the colourlessness.

And please believe that I'm not saying this to belittle you, after all you're just trying to make your way through this weird-ass human experiment like the rest of us.  I'm saying it to maybe tweak you just a bit into imagining what your sense of being might be like if your life was one of engagement with your heart, with your deep self, the roots of your being--that is, with your deepest passions known only through deep, deep emotion, not through the easy ones resting on the surface of your daily experience of being as it now is.  Perhaps the process of seeking such things within yourself could jump start the endeavour?  Wouldn't that be an efficient use of catalyst?