My struggle with the Choice, 2nd guessing.

[Patrick]

I remember well the pleasures of power over others and how it feels to control all aspects.

But now I figured that I am no longer willing to suffer being the victim just so I can have the pleasures of being the controller. Because that is the caveat. Since there is no one else, YOU have to play the role of the victims as well.

Of course, I did not care about that while I was walking the LHP.

But now I also remember what it is like to be the victim and I can see that the pleasures of negativity does not balance the suffering caused.

So the net outcome is suffering of the self. Since the suffering created is greater than the created pleasures.