i understand what's going on... (warning : too deep !)

[Ming the Merciful]

What you are confused about is the "Science of Spirituality". (Krishna Consciousness Phraseology). Reaching and understanding the "Unknowable Entity". Don't worry, we are all sailing in the same boat. Spirituality remains only conjecture and speculation, (as yet unproven). There are as many theories about Spirituality as there are people Or, every person has their own theory of "Spiritual Awakening", (and yet), every theory is an Absolute. You may have a totally different interpretation than me, (but), both viewpoints and conclusions are Absolutes, (and correct). I cannot tell you what you must believe. That can only be reached by your own conclusions. What we are talking about here, is the "Inner Reality" and raising the Higher Consciousness. I think another problem you are having, there are some extreme philosophical conversations happening here. Deep thinking. That is part of the process of the "Awakening".