I want to explore the negative polarity.

[Sacred Fool]

....wish I could have said more but I'm mentally too tired to write down all of my thoughts again

If you're not going to put effort into this, I wouldn't expect anyone else to do so either.

Anyhow, in a word, there are characteristics which are emphasized on the "bad" path which are also more generally useful: you might want to begin by focusing on these.  They would include things like extremely efficient use of catalyst, extreme work ethic and perseverance (kinda like what you failed to do here).  At some point you might want to find a mentor, but for such a person, it's an investment of their time and skill, and if you can't do your own work, how can you possibly do work for them?

Best of luck.
   
Oh, PS: About that efficient use of catalyst?  Be prepared to face your worst nightmares.  This will come in handy all the way along the path.