Catalysts

[Meerie]

With that said I would like to know if one can take every thought, every feeling and every memory, that is distorion of the One initial thought, regardless if it is perceived as negative or positive, and just merge with that seeing only The Creator, without any intellectual process?

This is a very good question. I think Ra said somewhere that in order to become balanced, it is necessary to experience one thought (or feeling etc.) and feel it and then feel the opposite of it.
Please try not to think in terms of guilt, from what I get from you, you are already doing a tremendous amount of work on yourself and I always appreciate your insight. No need to be so hard on yourself
Even if one opportunity is missed there will always be another chance for you. You are very much loved.