The Cultivation of Radical Honesty

[AppleSeed]

To be honest, I'm afraid of what achieving this connection will demand of me, of the commitments I've made in my waking life, of how it will change who I think I am.

This has been a significant stumbling block for me as well, particularly the loss of identity part (implied for me in your "who I think I am" phrase).

I can relate to that, but lately when connecting to some kind of deep level of the self while accepting all kinds of "crazy" thoughts and visions that occur, and most of all the strong will to release the control of the self (from the self) it feels that "loss of identity" is an illusion.

I think so, too. Maybe "change of identity" is closer to what happens than "loss of identity"? You gain some, you lose some -- gradually. Once when I turned away because of fear of loss of identity, I was given a vision of myself merging with another being. There was no loss, only gain.

Then again, I'm probably too busy enjoying the flowers along the side of the road to be really anxious to get the process sped up. My feeling is that if it takes a lot of discipline, then there's some lack of honesty in the path. If the passion to move quicker is there, then the work requires less discipline, or rather, the discipline is a joy, a choice, and not controlling.