Negative Entities at Higher Vibrations

[Kaziel]

Thank you for the thorough and insightful response, ada. Very appreciative of the thought that you put into that.

It's funny because I did not know much about shamanism either, I did not have a conscious desire to become one, though, I guess it's the spirits who decide. I definitely did go through the shamanic death and rebirth process, which metamorphosed my entire understanding and beingness. It came right at me full force in the middle of college, and it was many months that I spent between worlds before I accepted the death of the old self. Since I was half in this plane and half in the spirit plane I became extremely alienated, with no peers to relate to, and because this went on for so long I feel like I never had a true "college experience", as they say. I understand now that it was divine perfect timing and alienation is somewhat inherent to shamanism. My definition of a shaman, I suppose, is one who is able to venture into the spirit realm or other planes in order to bring back an understanding which will be useful for the tribe, or society. Conveying wisdom/understanding into more palatable knowledge for the benefit of the tribe. There is a saying that has always stuck with me, which is, "wisdom is the loneliest path", and the further I venture into shamanism the more alienated I feel amongst my peers. Of course, I have wise teachers and guides, but they are all much older. One of my close teachers recently passed and I am still coming to terms with her being gone. I carry some guilt around that because I was unwilling to spend time with her or visit as she was dying, for complicated personal reasons. It is challenging knowing that I am even more alone now.

The thing is, I otherwise have a great and normal life in the city. A perfect loving family, no financial troubles, I made it through college (somehow). I turned away from shamanism because I felt the need to focus on my material self. My goodness, I wish we were not in a system that equated money to survival and success. I am beginning a career in real estate in order to make a living in this world. I don't think I could charge money for shamanic service. Anyways, I am not skilled enough now to help others in a serious way. To me, the greatest success would be gaining mastery over shamanism. Yet, I also strive for success in a career. I feel conflicted and pulled between this material success and immaterial success. It seems as if it would be very challenging to balance both. I don't want to give up on either. Hence, my greatest challenge has always been finding balance.