The Cultivation of Radical Honesty

[rva_jeremy]

As I'm reading through the fourth book in this first full rereading of the entire series since, oh, 2001 maybe, one of the things that striking me as both an important pillar of the adept's path and something with which I have problems is the centrality of honesty. It appears that a lot of what strengthens the potential of a given act is the degree to which it is attempted with honesty. I imagine this indicates not merely honesty in interactions with others but especially with oneself.

In the past I have had difficulty with this. One reason for this, I suppose, is that the dishonesty with oneself is almost always in the service of protection; in other words, you are hiding something from yourself to prevent pain.

Another reason is a lack of will or concentration. When thoughts flit through the mind, especially thoughts contrary to where you are attempting to focus your energy, it can be a struggle to determine what the proper response is. On the one hand, you don't want to repress these thoughts, and I feel like I've made strides in having patience with my own impatience, for lack of a better expression. On the other hand, it doesn't seem that the process Ra describes of having those thoughts and tendencies which are no longer needed simply "fall away" suddenly; in other words, the falling away is gradual and not effected in some immediate sense.

This frustration with my own ability to commit to a path is positively self-defeating, because the less I keep my commitments to myself the more I reinforce either a loss of faith in myself or erect a wall of dishonesty with self to not have to experience this dejection.

But if this pattern is to be turned around, if I am to commit my energy in a way that breaks the cycle, and sort of hold on for dear life to a discipline, how am I to do so without in some sense introducing regimentation and control over myself at least on some level? How do I discipline the self with love?

I don't expect complete answers to these issues, or even answers at all. Just thought maybe somebody has feedback that could help. It doesn't hurt to put it out there.

I understand that the most important resource here is patience and compassion for self; I guess maybe the real conundrum here for me is that I'm having trouble considering compassion and patience in the full constellation of aspects that apply here. Maybe one of you have a thought that could inspire the consideration of a quality I had not imagined yet.

Thank you.