Moving past being "the victim"

[sillypumpkins]

So recently I've had an insight regarding negative polarization and the power dynamics associated with it.

When you identify as the victim, you are playing into power dynamics just as much as the "perpetrator."

So with that being said, a brief glimpse into some catalyst I've been experiencing:

My sibling and I haven't been talking for 6 months. In February, we were in a semi-heated conversation and I said something that was sarcastic and mean-spirited. My sibling took this to heart, and never let go. He has held it against me for 6 months. I couldn't remember what was said for the longest time, because it was such a small thing to me and I didn't think he would take it seriously. Last night, after 6 long months of not remembering what even happened, I remembered. I sent my sibling an email, apologized, said I understood why he was upset, and left it at that.

Now, the last 6 months have been hard for me particularly because of this relationship. My sibling has been blaming me, my mom and dad for all his shortcomings. Every little thing is an attack towards him. We all need help, we're all f***** up, etc etc.

My mother and I in particular both do our best to not "play into" the perpetrator-victim dynamic he references. We try to accept the situation, listen, etc. I haven't been perfect. I'm learning how to maintain my balance in the face of fury and blaming. I have slipped up once or twice. It has been extremely difficult, as the whole situation has highlighted my own personal issues that need to be worked on. In that way, it's been sort of a blessing though

So, now that I remember what I actually said. I feel kinda better.

However, I am feeling like a victim. I don't want to be the victim. This isn't the perspective I want to have. In my head it's like..... okay so I've been a jerk to you and you feel the need to remind me of how f***** up I am, how I need help, how I am the reason we can't have a relationship. When he's a jerk to me though, I don't hold him to it as much as he does to me. I sort of view it as "he's feeling pain and he's choosing to let it out on me." Knowing this gives me some peace, but not enough for me to feel okay about the whole thing.

I feel karmically intertwined with him. Forgiveness is the answer then? I suppose so.

Bleh. Just needed to get some of that out. It's been a hard few days.

It seems I've already got the answer but I'm going to post this anyway. Maybe we can get some good discussion going