Depression

[Sacred Fool]

  
I wish to add a somewhat different perspective on this state of separation from Love buried deep in the energy body which we are calling depression.

I've discovered (or uncovered) the fact that the "little man behind the curtain" who projects a constructed organization of the elements of reality so as to constrict my flow of being down at the root level is, in fact, myself.  The little thing which projects the barrier preventing me from knowing myself there, and prevents others from assisting me, is me.  Indeed, I've discerned that this little person is also a projection.  What actually appears to be real is that seat of creative power in which it sits.

In my particular case, I've traced this distortion back to a time in utero when my mother fully felt the force of my father's internalized abandonment complex projected at her which fully ignited her own internalized abandonment complex.  This caused her to emotionally reject the pregnancy for a period of time, and this, in turn, caused the foetus (moi) to feel utterly abandoned and to reject itself in the sense that it (I) cast off all hope of having loving connections with humans or with this planet in general.  This distortion somehow found its way to that creative seat of power and created a very powerful energy construct which has been tilting me towards feeling rejection and disconnection for my entire incarnation to date.

As I have been slowly working with this, that seat of creative power has become less strictly guarded and I have begun to apply the basic Q'uo cliche to this situation.  Paraphrasing: "Where is the Love in this hot mess?"  I've begun hanging out down there, not expecting pain, but expecting love because, if one can poise oneself with enough determination and resonance of truth to approach the zone of the seat of creative power, one can just as easily commune with Love there as project defensiveness, fear, etc.

I'm just beginning on this particular pathway.  I expect I'll eventually need to approach similar distortions in each energy center ad seriatim, which sounds like a lot of work, but maybe not so bad considering we're looking at a lifelong distortion.  We'll see how far along in that direction I can wander.