A lot of good insight here, I think that it is definitely a unique experience for each person. I can't speak for anyone but myself but there may be shared touchstones.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 7 years old. There are various situations that were happening at the time, but ultimately I later realized that they had left me feeling powerless. This powerlessness caused me to create a huge ego, to bridge the abyss beneath it. Still, at the age of 30, I find myself on that bridge but it is tattered and frayed, it is no longer strong or supportive. I precariously look over in to the darkness and wonder when it will give out under my feet.
Down in that darkness is all the parts of myself that I never wanted to look at, never wanted to acknowledge. The desires, the feelings, the hurts, the loves, all that content.
Knowing that the darkness itself is an illusion created by a separation I've created in my own consciousness I can see the wall of fear through which I have to pass in order to reconnect the pieces. Yet, I hesitate, because the fear tells me so many things, tries to deter me, tells me who will be hurt by my transformation and that I am not worth it.
I feel I have been in a stand off with this wall for many years and I am tired of arguing with a wall. Probably time to move through it soon.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 7 years old. There are various situations that were happening at the time, but ultimately I later realized that they had left me feeling powerless. This powerlessness caused me to create a huge ego, to bridge the abyss beneath it. Still, at the age of 30, I find myself on that bridge but it is tattered and frayed, it is no longer strong or supportive. I precariously look over in to the darkness and wonder when it will give out under my feet.
Down in that darkness is all the parts of myself that I never wanted to look at, never wanted to acknowledge. The desires, the feelings, the hurts, the loves, all that content.
Knowing that the darkness itself is an illusion created by a separation I've created in my own consciousness I can see the wall of fear through which I have to pass in order to reconnect the pieces. Yet, I hesitate, because the fear tells me so many things, tries to deter me, tells me who will be hurt by my transformation and that I am not worth it.
I feel I have been in a stand off with this wall for many years and I am tired of arguing with a wall. Probably time to move through it soon.
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