I have a dilemma

[Black Dragon]

I'm not angry at my parents anymore.

I think most of my trauma comes from humans who weren't consciously polarizing negatively, or ones who genuinely believed they were positive but were severely confused. There may have been negative entities influencing them, but it was ultimately the actions of that person / those people, operating out of ignorance. I have more respect for clearly defined intentions with a higher purpose (regardless of how vicious it may be) than voluntary ignorance.

Over the last decade, every time I've tried to embrace positivity ultimately led to imbalance and severe instability. Negative energy played a part in that... But during the time I consciously chose to harness that negative energy, although it came with its own set of issues, I began to stabilize. I do have gratitude for that.

Going deeper on any path serves The Creator. I'm fully aware of the apparent inconsistencies and I don't care.

I don't think it was the negative energies themselves that gave you the stability, but the act of consciously acknowledging and accepting those things in yourself rather than denying or repressing them. Your own self-honesty is a self-empowering trait. The attempt to polarize positively too fast when you weren't "feeling it" caused some disintegration. That's understandable. Like I said, there's nothing really left for me to say at this point I haven't already said. You do you. I hope things work out for you.