I have a dilemma

[Black Dragon]

[...]

[...] These structures are so pervasive and subtle abuse is passed from generation to generation when people think they are doing the right thing for one reason or another. It wouldn't be so pervasive if not for the influence of ET and higher density negative beings on our society. Beings like Belial and the others you tried to summon at one point. Nobody's forcing you to forgive wrongs that were done to you if you are not ready to, but I'm just trying to warn you against the "allure" of the STS path because then you would literally be taking the side of the forces that are responsible for your misery in the first place. To me that would be absolutely stupid and pathetic, weak, defeatist, and powerless, and I don't think you are pathetic or stupid enough to give your power away to the forces that have orchestrated all your misery. You would be right to be angry at THEM, if anyone.

They are the ones who sew the seeds in our society for the types of attitudes and behaviors your parents displayed towards you as a child. They are the ones who pull the strings on worthless teachers like that guy who was "mentoring" you, although he seems like he consciously chose this path and was actually dedicated to STS pretending to be otherwise. If you can't forgive people who were simply swayed by these forces into being a*******, then why did you, at one point, turn to them for power? It's their influence that made our society what it is and your parents what they were towards you. There is a huge irony and lack of consistency there in turning to them for power.

Also, you keep saying the STS path is "valid", and while from a purely objective/cosmological view that may be true, that's like saying you can forgive all the evils in the world as long as they happen to somebody else, but when they happen to you, they are not valid or forgivable. Child rape? Valid. Genocide, exploitation, corruption, valid. Racism and hate, valid(except the times it happened to you...). Parents being a*******? Not valid. Totally unforgiveable. I'm not trying to judge, just pointing out the huge dichotomy here so you can examine it and discern some things for yourself.

Thankfully, it seems you've steered away from those sorts of delusions that caused you to turn hardline to the STS path and try to summon dark forces and now are just going to live your life being honest about what you feel. I wish you well with that, and hope things come together for you.

So far, it's not clear how things are ultimately going to turn out. 888 may begin to care more or to care less about such inconsistencies, from the apparent overall ambivalence about it all at present. Caring less about it would, however, seem to go hand in hand with a turn towards the negative path. I point that out in terms of whether reason, and the window of opportunity for exchange through reason, matters or not in the end for 888, which remains an open question.

Basically, on the negative path, the driving force and its results matter far more than whether or not there is any consistency in terms of reason surrounding it, upon examination. Those who go to the greatest lengths in embracing the negative path ultimately stop caring at all about whether there's inconsistencies to their engagement, whether through a simple lack of self-questioning and an assertion that the self is always right (regardless of how self-defeating it looks to a sober outsider), or through going further into full-blown solipsism.

Hence the myth that a vampire can't see its own fucking reflection. I really hope it's not at that point yet, but it is, in the end, his choice, to either take a stand against what he perceives to be injustice on conceptual level, or to become everything that made him miserable in the first place, like a self-replicating virus. There is no true strength on that path, and no true autonomy. I would have nothing more to say or to do with somebody who chooses such a path.

I'm all the more determined to let go of petty resentments from the past that no longer serve me, lest I find myself in a spot where I consider the global elite "valid" and turn to demons for power, yet hate my parents for taking away my fucking Nintendo(now I'm not trying to downplay years of childhood being treated with harsh disciplinarian contempt, I understand in many ways from experience how damaging that can be. I'm simply trying to present a sense of scale and consistency here). 888 If my words piss you off, it's not because I'm trying to tweak you or attack you or pass judgment. It's because I respect you from the limited interactions we have had and don't want to see you do yourself a disservice by becoming a worthless piece of STS s***. I think you are better than that.

I think I've made my main points clearly enough. I can't force anyone to not make stupid-ass self-defeating decisions in life, so with things standing as they are, there's not much more I can say on this subject. The best I can do is examine myself for similar inconsistencies and work on them, which is what I intend to do.