I have a dilemma

[dexter101]

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Then there are people who don't seem to attract success, stability, or security just by being positive. Whether it's true or not, I worry that I might be one of those people, that if I just surrender to the universe, I won't be free while I'm alive, and I'd just have to accept it.

I get anxious that the path for my current incarnation is just a series of traumas and humiliations that I have to forgive. Maybe that's not true, but if I dig deeper and it turns out that it is, I reserve the right to change my mind from that path and walk away from it at any time. I'd prefer not to exercise that option, but I'm entirely willing to use it if it comes down to it.

I see myself mirrored in these statements. That's what a lot of my fears and reservations are based on. I refuse to accept a life of martyrdom and arbitrary suffering just for being a decent person and having a few distortions. That being said, I equally reject the idea of becoming a sociopathic STS cunt who makes innocent people miserable, because I'd become the very thing I hate, so that, to me, would be as big or bigger a loss/defeat/surrender as being a martyr. I reject both of those ideas with equal harshness and defiance. There is a certain small comfort and feeling of strength in that rebellion. No matter what, I will stick by my principles against both the path of martyrdom or predatory cuntitude.

This is not veiled ignorance. It's not the sinkhole of indifference. It's deliberately choosing integrity, sovereignty, and self-direction over dogmatic bullshit. Maybe (hopefully) you'll find that a tiny bit helpful, or maybe it will piss you off and make you think I'm a jackass. Honestly? I do want to help as best I can and I wish you the best, but I really don't give a f*** what you end up thinking about me, I'll simply speak my truth as I see it and hope it helps. You are your own authority.

hey there dragon,
think about how jesus felt when he first found out about his destiny. acceptance is the sto way. no matter what comes.yea you may be miserable but in accepting that you are in your mind at least free from suffering.
you know? you might be starving but in your mind you are totally at peace. thats nirvana. it is not a place but rather a state of mind. you might suffer in this world but if you are sto and truly awakened you will be free in your mind.

i know most of the time people will want the best of both worlds. they want security,money and or fame and of course love. but neither of those things are possible. you have to surrender to one of those ideals. be it positive or negative.
this is a fundamental flaw with the law of attraction movement. they think they can be millionares and good people. but we all know the truth. deep down....

i hope you make it. good luck.