06-01-2020, 05:44 PM
Do you meditate daily? If so are you focusing on an image or symbol such as is done in the middle pillar exercise or are you clearing your mind and listening? The reason I ask is everyone I know or have known with PTSD has had a ton of trouble trying to meditate. Doing so brings back all the things they have repressed. If you can get in touch with your higher self, you might find some answers.
Patterns repeat to make a lesson sink in, often with increasing severity. What patterns have you identified and what lessons have you learned? It might be helpful to ignore polarization right now. The lessons you need might not reside specifically in that realm.
Another concept which can be very hard to accept or believe in when you have experienced a lot of trauma like you have, is that we create our own reality, and we program our own experiences. On some level you might have programmed to go thru these negative experiences and there is a reason for it.
On anger, Ra said that the appropriate response to any catalyst is the spontaneous use of it. You may have thought you were forgiving people when you were actually repressing the anger, which led to the breakdowns. You can use the anger in many ways, by itself anger is not a bad thing. Anger becomes negative when it leads us to harm.
It is also ok to not forgive them. Hating is ok too. You can always say to yourself that you aren't ready to forgive, but you will be some day. If you want to forgive people maybe you can start with some people who did really minor things, like borrow a dollar and never pay you back. Then work your way to worse things as you feel up to it. There is no need to try to forgive it all at once, and indeed that isn't possible. I have found myself going back to some people repeatedly in meditation and forgiving them, because I realize my previous attempts were not complete. That is ok too. You can forgive someone for some of their actions, and still condemn them for the rest.
On your desire to not be all rainbows and kittens, f*** that. I can love people while being me. I am not opposed to change but the concept of everyone becoming some brain washed teletubby is not my cup of tea either. I still cuss, I can be rude sometimes, I have even been arguing more than before lately as I work more on blue ray communication and honesty. So you can figure out how to be you while loving everyone too. Don't feel like you have to be pigeonholed into some touchy feely woo woo personality type.
I have a link here to a Joe Rogan podcast which might be helpful. The dude went thru some insane stuff and came out the other side. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIc5XYpRc1M&t=2931s
Also if you want to experiment with summoning the Lesser Key of Solomon the King and the Sacred Magic of Abra-melin the Mage are the go to texts.
Patterns repeat to make a lesson sink in, often with increasing severity. What patterns have you identified and what lessons have you learned? It might be helpful to ignore polarization right now. The lessons you need might not reside specifically in that realm.
Another concept which can be very hard to accept or believe in when you have experienced a lot of trauma like you have, is that we create our own reality, and we program our own experiences. On some level you might have programmed to go thru these negative experiences and there is a reason for it.
On anger, Ra said that the appropriate response to any catalyst is the spontaneous use of it. You may have thought you were forgiving people when you were actually repressing the anger, which led to the breakdowns. You can use the anger in many ways, by itself anger is not a bad thing. Anger becomes negative when it leads us to harm.
It is also ok to not forgive them. Hating is ok too. You can always say to yourself that you aren't ready to forgive, but you will be some day. If you want to forgive people maybe you can start with some people who did really minor things, like borrow a dollar and never pay you back. Then work your way to worse things as you feel up to it. There is no need to try to forgive it all at once, and indeed that isn't possible. I have found myself going back to some people repeatedly in meditation and forgiving them, because I realize my previous attempts were not complete. That is ok too. You can forgive someone for some of their actions, and still condemn them for the rest.
On your desire to not be all rainbows and kittens, f*** that. I can love people while being me. I am not opposed to change but the concept of everyone becoming some brain washed teletubby is not my cup of tea either. I still cuss, I can be rude sometimes, I have even been arguing more than before lately as I work more on blue ray communication and honesty. So you can figure out how to be you while loving everyone too. Don't feel like you have to be pigeonholed into some touchy feely woo woo personality type.
I have a link here to a Joe Rogan podcast which might be helpful. The dude went thru some insane stuff and came out the other side. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIc5XYpRc1M&t=2931s
Also if you want to experiment with summoning the Lesser Key of Solomon the King and the Sacred Magic of Abra-melin the Mage are the go to texts.
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