I have a dilemma

[Sacred Fool]

It sounds like you have a good sense of the parameters of the ways in which you are penned in. So, where's the gate out of the pen?

I would offer the "tough love" suggestion that the sooner you learn to accept and follow your heart, the sooner you can answer the question above. The hard part is to stay on course and not become distracted for another few decades. Other than that, you have all you need right there inside you. Your dilemma is classic: "The Choice." Follow your heart or follow other things.