05-11-2020, 03:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2020, 03:10 PM by sillypumpkins.)
Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom Aion.
My brother has been going through a difficult time the last couple years. I've struggled a lot with striking that balance of "accepting" and "controlling." It gets real difficult when it's someone you love so dearly. It's true, there can be such a moral dilemma that comes with it.
My brother isn't talking to me at the moment. I spent a lot of time for the better part of 2018-the beginning of 2020, trying to "help" him. Giving him unsolicited advice, and that kind of thing. It made him frustrated when I would do that, even though my intentions were good (the road to hell....). I realized that it wasn't right of me to do that sort of thing, so I stopped, and just started listening to him these last almost 6 months or so. I really feel I learned a lesson there. Instead of controlling how he was going about his life, I just started accepting and listening.
I told him I was moving away with my girlfriend this fall and that seemed to trigger something in him. He became really angry. He told me hated me, I ruined everything, he can't believe I'd do this to him. He called me a couple times and was pretty horrible in what he was saying. I was listening, I told him I wanted to understand. It was just hard when I was being accused of so many things and being called so many names.
It almost felt like, the more I listened, the angrier he became. And the worse the situation got.
He's not talking to me anymore.
I suppose I had to get that off my chest. I've been struggling with it since it happened. I feel confused about it. Perhaps it partly has to do with me thinking that "accepting" the situation would make everything "better" or "easier." It just goes to show, life is not black-and-white.
Anyways, thanks again Aion. I'm pretty tired right now so I'm going to revisit this post over the next couple days. You're wonderful
My brother has been going through a difficult time the last couple years. I've struggled a lot with striking that balance of "accepting" and "controlling." It gets real difficult when it's someone you love so dearly. It's true, there can be such a moral dilemma that comes with it.
My brother isn't talking to me at the moment. I spent a lot of time for the better part of 2018-the beginning of 2020, trying to "help" him. Giving him unsolicited advice, and that kind of thing. It made him frustrated when I would do that, even though my intentions were good (the road to hell....). I realized that it wasn't right of me to do that sort of thing, so I stopped, and just started listening to him these last almost 6 months or so. I really feel I learned a lesson there. Instead of controlling how he was going about his life, I just started accepting and listening.
I told him I was moving away with my girlfriend this fall and that seemed to trigger something in him. He became really angry. He told me hated me, I ruined everything, he can't believe I'd do this to him. He called me a couple times and was pretty horrible in what he was saying. I was listening, I told him I wanted to understand. It was just hard when I was being accused of so many things and being called so many names.
It almost felt like, the more I listened, the angrier he became. And the worse the situation got.
He's not talking to me anymore.
I suppose I had to get that off my chest. I've been struggling with it since it happened. I feel confused about it. Perhaps it partly has to do with me thinking that "accepting" the situation would make everything "better" or "easier." It just goes to show, life is not black-and-white.
Anyways, thanks again Aion. I'm pretty tired right now so I'm going to revisit this post over the next couple days. You're wonderful
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