04-29-2020, 06:33 AM
As far as my daily life, absolutely nothing has changed. We both work in Healthcare so it's business as usual. We also rarely go out anyways so everything being closed hasn't affected us.
Since we work in Healthcare, my girlfriend has had people thank her for her service at various stores which is nice. We've had by numerous businesses donate food to my hospital to show their support and appreciation.
Personally though, I went into a very dark place once this all started. I was absolutely terrified of this thing. I scoured Twitter and absorbed all the fear that was being displayed by all the predictions, deaths, suffering, etc. I was consumed by it. I'm not sure if it was solely due to this or the combination of already being completely burned out from work and life but I went even further down. Way down. I became very irritable and dark. Rarely smiling at home and just not someone you'd want to be around which caused friction between my girlfriend and I.
This was a really strange one though. Much darker than in the past. I felt utterly lost and on the verge of crying at one point. Everthing in my life was negative and I let it all put to my girlfriend. Stuff like our living situation, the multitude of animals in our tiny apartment that cause nothing but anger and annoyance. How I had completely lost the joy of my career. Even aspects of our relationship such as the lack of sex and sexual adventure that I'm into whereas she's not. That topic had come up in the recent past and she had improved a tad but hearing it all over again just made her even more sad that she couldn't be good enough in her eyes. I told her that I simply have nothing to look forward to when I wake up in the morning which hit her hard since she took that as a reflection of our relationship and family.
As we went to bed, I laid there wondering if that was it. What did we have in common? What was the point in any of this? But then something clicked. I started probing my own mind as to why I had been so consumed by all this negativity and what could I do about it. I referenced a lot of this in my other thread about rediscovering joy which I won't repeat but somehow, something changed in me. I don't know if it was the combination of the virus and collective suffering along with my own issues but something inside me said enough is enough.
So we've laid off the beer with the exception of Friday and Saturday as opposed to practically every night. I'm back to eating my chicken, sweet potatoes, and Brussel sprouts. Back to a gallon+ of water a day and actually feeling ok. I'm still not sleeping worth a damn but I'm at least happier during the day. I'm also not as bothered by our animals or other aspects that would annoy me. I even meditated for the first time in years the other day and hope to get back into the daily routine.
Again, I can't differentiate whether the virus situation caused the catalyst or not but whatever it was, I'm glad it did.
Since we work in Healthcare, my girlfriend has had people thank her for her service at various stores which is nice. We've had by numerous businesses donate food to my hospital to show their support and appreciation.
Personally though, I went into a very dark place once this all started. I was absolutely terrified of this thing. I scoured Twitter and absorbed all the fear that was being displayed by all the predictions, deaths, suffering, etc. I was consumed by it. I'm not sure if it was solely due to this or the combination of already being completely burned out from work and life but I went even further down. Way down. I became very irritable and dark. Rarely smiling at home and just not someone you'd want to be around which caused friction between my girlfriend and I.
This was a really strange one though. Much darker than in the past. I felt utterly lost and on the verge of crying at one point. Everthing in my life was negative and I let it all put to my girlfriend. Stuff like our living situation, the multitude of animals in our tiny apartment that cause nothing but anger and annoyance. How I had completely lost the joy of my career. Even aspects of our relationship such as the lack of sex and sexual adventure that I'm into whereas she's not. That topic had come up in the recent past and she had improved a tad but hearing it all over again just made her even more sad that she couldn't be good enough in her eyes. I told her that I simply have nothing to look forward to when I wake up in the morning which hit her hard since she took that as a reflection of our relationship and family.
As we went to bed, I laid there wondering if that was it. What did we have in common? What was the point in any of this? But then something clicked. I started probing my own mind as to why I had been so consumed by all this negativity and what could I do about it. I referenced a lot of this in my other thread about rediscovering joy which I won't repeat but somehow, something changed in me. I don't know if it was the combination of the virus and collective suffering along with my own issues but something inside me said enough is enough.
So we've laid off the beer with the exception of Friday and Saturday as opposed to practically every night. I'm back to eating my chicken, sweet potatoes, and Brussel sprouts. Back to a gallon+ of water a day and actually feeling ok. I'm still not sleeping worth a damn but I'm at least happier during the day. I'm also not as bothered by our animals or other aspects that would annoy me. I even meditated for the first time in years the other day and hope to get back into the daily routine.
Again, I can't differentiate whether the virus situation caused the catalyst or not but whatever it was, I'm glad it did.
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