Quote:Time after time again I feel as though I’m back stuck again, as I dive into my consciousness with marijuana, it opens a gate to intelligent energy which give me great knowledge.
I would agree about the weed. It sounds like it is causing you big problems. All serious meditation traditions explore their conciousness by avoiding substances and keeping the diet and routine as bland and regimented as possible to keep the fluctuations of the mind to a minimum. From this baseline of peace and silence any inner experiences stand out in a very clear way, like noise on a quiet day. When I come to conclusions about myself it is usually through deep meditation and reflection of internal feeling that I can spend months if not years identifying understanding and talking about with others. Dellusions tend to fade away given the scrutiny of time. Even then the thoughts, imbalances and distortions don't really matter, what is important is the awareness of the present moment and keeping the mind balanced and clear while experiencing what comes up and letting it pass. Right now it sounds like you need to not be attached to your thought process. In a non-judgemental way just let them come and go while you focus on the present moment.