Resisting sexual energy

[Jeremy]

The problem goes beyond, it seems my identity comes from others.

I feel as though I’m stuck in red ray energy with one scary way out.

It seems that my only logic is to leave the material world behind and become one with earth and its inhabitants.

I probably would function as a mirror and only green ray energy would take me in which would help my gut bacteria.

I’m assuming this was a preincarnated choice that I choose not to accept. The time is now, yet I feel as though I have no balls. Is my only way around this pretending that I can become a female scientist?

Time after time again I feel as though I’m back stuck again, as I dive into my consciousness with marijuana, it opens a gate to intelligent energy which give me great knowledge.

Is my body broken due to me looking too far in or is it a sign that I need something drastic to save myself.

Is the best thing to do to follow my heart? Or the fact that I can’t feel my heart is reason I should rest.

I find most of my work to be subconscious and have no way of identifying myself without the material world.

Am I stuck on a different plane of existence? Will I ever know?

Am I fighting a mad scientist gene that needs to be female?

Or am I just trying to trick myself so I won’t feel the pain of my family as I go?

Wow there is so much to unpack in here, I'm not sure where to begin. 


First off, free will can't be denied by yourself. That's truly something you've convinced yourself of so let's cast that aside  

Ending your life will accomplish nothing except a repeat of the catalysts that you brought here. 

Honestly, I need some help understanding the female scientist thing or mad scientist thing. Tbh, your words are very fragmented and hard to understand. 

Have you tried not using weed? It has properties that can bring about schizophrenic tendencies in those susceptible.

From reading your other post and combining it with this one, I get a sense that rather than transitioning, you just haven't accepted yourself or found what brings you joy about your self. Rather than a red ray expression, it sounds more like orange ray with your personal feeling of lacking.

Can you elaborate on the not understanding male energy and why you find it controlling?

My honest opinion is that you're making this more difficult than it should be. You're letting your mind get the better of you rather than trusting your heart. 

When meditating, maybe try being at peace. Not digging so much. I guess what I'm saying is calm down a bit and let it be for a bit.